A Ville Valo Viehättää
by Gossamer Moonwitch
Summary: Ella Brook is starting out her life anew. But the one thing she will not acknowledge is that no matter how far she runs the past is still always around the corner. And there is one man who is determined to make her see that, no matter the cost.
1. Dumbstruck

Alright here goes some backround of Finland's capital Helsinki: It is located in the southern part of Finland on the shore of the Gulf of Finland. Helsinki forms a urban sprawl with three other cities, Espoo, Vantaa and Kauniainen, which are together called the capital area. This area has about 975,000 citizens.

The story takes place in Helsinki where Ville has a loft and I'll take it from there... Your name is Ella Brook and are on your way to CVG Airport in Cincinnati, Ohio. You just graduated as Class of '09 and are on your way to Helsinki to attend university.

P.A.: "Last call for boarding to Helsinki, Finland. Last call for boarding to Helsinki, Finland..."

You were squished in between people when you woke up.

"Oh, shit!" you said as you took all your bags and headed for the boarding entrance.

You handed the flight attendant your ticket.

"Thank you," the flight attendant said absent-mindedly as she shoved the ticket in front of your face.

"What happened to fucking manners, lady?" you said loudly.

She scowled and shoved it in your face even more. You struggled to take the ticket with all the bags you were trying to carry.

_Fucking waste of my time._

You went down the temporary hall that connected the airport to the plane. As you approached the plane you were greeted with a huge smile. When you reached yet another flight attendant you handed her your boarding pass.

"Your seat is 20E in the coach section. Go pass this curtain-"

"What?"

"Ma'am, your seat is 20E in the coach section."

"No, no. I ordered first class. Coach would be way too crowded with all this shit I have."

"I'm afraid you're wrong, ma'am."

She pointed out on your ticket where it said "COACH"

"Damn the internet..." you mumbled.

"I'm very sorry, ma'am, but I'm going to have to ask you to move to your seat. There is a queue forming behind you," the flight attendant said with a hint of agitation in her voice.

_Just my luck... I'm so glad I'm leaving this hellhole..._

You moved on until you finally reached your seat. It was the one beside the window.

"Great." you said sarcastically.

You put all of your bags in the cargo hold above the row of seats and sat in your seat and started to read Anne Rice. A couple of minutes later a person sat beside you with a kid in the last seat.

"Sorry, excuse me." he said.

You nodded your head in acknowledgement. You didn't feel like opening your mouth. The kid was kicking and screaming and whining. You tried your best to ignore them, but little by little you were getting more and more agitated. Finally, the kid shut up as the captian came on the speaker looking from where the voice was coming from.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I will be your captian for this flight to Helsinki, Finland. We will be leaving shortly and it looks like Mother Nature is working with us today. Outside is a nice 80 degrees with a slight chance of showers. We will ascend in the air about 25,000 feet to avoid turbulance and will be in Helsinki in about 12h and 50 mins. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Please enjoy your flight."

_12h and 50mins with this kid... I think they'll be looking for his head by the end of this flight..._

You chuckled at that thought.

The man looked over at you and said, "I know what you're thinking, 12h, huh? Don't worry, William will be knocked out soon I gave him NyQuil..." he chuckled.

You smiled and kept reading your book. You hated idle chatter.

As you got off the plane into the Helsinki-Vantaa Airport the P.A. said:

"Welcome to Helsinki-Vantaa. Today it's 19 degrees Celcuis with scattered showers."

_This whole being able to speak Finnish has paid off. I wonder what 19 degress Celcius is in Fahrenheit... I hope my ride is here..._

You looked around to see if anyone had a sign with your name on it. An old man in suit held a sign with scraggly writing that read: "Mr Ella Brook". You went up to himand realized he had already gathered your luggage.

"Hei, te harjoittaa we, haluta?" the old man said as he started for the limo outside the double doors.

"Ajaa te haastaa Englannin kieli?" you asked.

"Y-ees," the old man struggled to say and gave up. "Vhinen mr."

You followed him to the limo and he put all your bags in the trunk. It seemed like forever until you reached the city centre and you could see campus form outside your window. You stopped in front of a huge building and realized this is where you were going to live. You got out of the limo and followed the old man up a couple of flight of stairs. He stopped at at apartment door 63B. As he fumbled for the keys you took some of your bags out of his hands.

"Thank you," he said.

You smiled. He unlocked the apartment door. You walked in and were completely blown away.

_This is amazing... Dad really did come through..._

"Ieee... hava.." he put two fingers on the palm of his other hand and moved them back and forth.

"Oh, okay," he started for the door.

"Wait," you said.

You looked in your purse for some notes and gave him a tip. Again, he said, "Thank you." and left with a smile on his face. You left your bags in the middle of the hallway and ran upstairs and plopped down on your bed.

_I'm so frickin' tired.... I better call Dad to tell him I got here alright..._

You dailed your dad's number.

_R-R-RRRING... _

"Hello?" a voice answered.

"Martin, put Dad on," you said.

"How's it over there... Man, I wish I coulda gone..." your brother said.

"Martin, just put Dad on the phone," you said irritably.

"Alright, alright..."

You heard some unintelligible talking as Martin passed the phone.

"Hello? Ella? Everything's alright? How was the flight-" your dad said frantically.

"Dad, I'm fine. I'm just calling to tell you that I'm here and I'm fine. The loft is absolutely awesome. Shouldn't've doubted you a second. I guess I'm calling to say thanks for everything. You don't know how much it means to me."

You and your dad talked for a few more minutes until you hung up.

_I can't believe I'm here now, all by myself. This is gonna be awesome..._

You went under the covers and scrunched up in a ball to keep warm.

_I guess 19 degrees Celsius is pretty damn cold._

You fell asleep with a smile on your face, content on how things had gone so far, but a couple of hours later around 4 A.M. stomping, banging, and loud music was seeping through your ceiling. You tossed and turned until you finally sat up on your bed, hair all a mess, eye boogers at the corners of your eyes, in a tank top and girl briefs with a bleeding heartagram on the front of them, all that good stuff.

_Stupid fucks. Don't some people think it might be possible that their downstairs neighbor might be just a eensy bit tired and annoyed right about now..._

You got up and put your fingers through your hair and picked out the eye boogers.

_Not my best, but who's gonna see me this time of night..._

You went up to the apartment right above your and knocked as loud as you could on the door. This was going to be good. You were ready to say a few expletive words to whoever opened that door.

_Poor guy._

Right as you were going to knock again the door opened. You couldn't see the guy's face he was still talking to the rest of his buddies in the room with his left hand still grasping on the inside knob. He had a sleeve tattoo on his left arm, had a heartagram above the front of his pants, and was shirtless. He laughed. You were about to burst as he turned around to face you. He had shaggy chesnut brown hair down to the bottom of his ears, greenish-blue eyes, and had a skinny, but not scrawny form.

"May I help you?" he said looking confused as he said it.

"Uh... Um... could you, like, keep..." you barely managed to say.

"Yes?" he asked.

He looked up and down at you. Realizing what you were wearing you blushed and crossed your arms on your chest. You managed to say nothing. He smiled, looking pleased and pleasantly surprised to see a barely-dressed girl in front of his door. You smiled sheepishly.

"I'm Ville," he said simply.

"I'm Ella," You uncrossed your arms trying to cover your underwear.

_This was not what I was expecting..._

"Could you keep it down? I just got in from Cincinnati and it was a 12 hour flight and I'm exhausted." you finally managed to say.

"Understandable, love. Will do." he said as he still smiled.

You crossed your arms again and started to walk away. He called from behind and you looked back.

"Nice underwear," he said.

You blushed madly. _This is so fucking embarrassing...I'm such a dork..._

You went back to your apartment, buried your face in your pillow, and screamed.


	2. Acquaintances

**Later that Morning...**

"BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP..." the alarm clock screeched.

You groaned into the pillow and tried to reach the snooze button blindly, feeling your way around the nightstand. The alarm clock stopped screeching. You turned your head to look at the alarm clock and saw in bright red numbers that it was 7:00 a.m. It was completely quiet upstairs.

_Now they shut the hell up... Damn, I don't want to go to class... I should've signed up for the spring this is supposed to be my summer vacation..._

You got up and went into the bathroom right by your bed, got undressed, and took a shower. You brushed your teeth and your face and came out of the bathroom to pick out clothes from the dresser, but it was empty so you went downstairs to pick up your suitcases full of tons of clothes and struggled to throw each one on the bed once upstairs. You opened a suitcase and picked out the first clothes you put your hands on. Then brushed your hair quickly, opened another suitcase and grabbed a hoodie when the doorbell rang.

You ran downstairs and opened the door. It was the same old man from yesterday accompanied by a much younger and handsome man, probably in his late 20's.

"Hello, I'm Iivari Oikarinen and I'm here to introduce you to the campus once we get there, sort of an orientation really. You're going to major in chemistry, correct?" he said.

"Yeah, I'm planning to become a medical examiner." you said as you held out your hand and he kissed it.

"By the way, my name's Ella. Ella Brook."

"Grisly business... No need to introduce yourself your father is very well-known throughout all of Europe. Now, if you don't mind we should be going."

You stepped outside of the loft as you closed and locked your apartment door. As you stepped outside you noticed it was sprinkling a bit. The old man held the back door to the same limousine open and signaled you for you to get inside.

"Veeeerie c-c-cold. Veeeerie weat," he said.

As the limousine's engine started and Iivari got settled on the opposite side facing you. Through the window you saw Ville coming out of the building's door laughing, holding a cigarette in one hand, some kind of alcoholic beverage in the other, you assumed. As soon as he looked at your window, he had that confused look on his face again.

**Ville P.O.V. **

You went down a couple of flight of stairs, joking with Mige, Gas, Burton, and Linde.

"Did you see that girl that was standing outside our door last night?"

Everyone mummured in agreement.

"I thought Linde was trying to play a joke on me, some sort of call-girl prank."

Everyone laughed. You took a drink of Jagermeister and a drag of your cigarette.

_Who was she..._

You stepped outside and saw a limousine and you looked into the window, it was that girl. She quickly looked away and the limousine drove away. As the limousine pulled away yours came into sight.

"We're playing at the college, right?" Gas asked as you guys got into the limousine.

"Yeah, in a couple hours we are. When it gets dark," you said.

"Well, what're we waitin' for? Off to a pub we go," Burton said.

"No, let's go to the college. I wanna see where we're playing."

The limo driver did as you said

**At the campus**

**Your P.O.V.**

Iivari went on and on about the history of the university, how many students there were that you would be impressed with the staff, but you weren't really listening. Your mind was somewhere else.

_How come he looked like that... maybe... ugh whatever... I don't know this guy... yes, he is the singer of HIM, but for all I know he could be a horrible human being... what the hell..._

_*Look at you, you're a train wreck after only a day in Helsinki* _

_Oh, great now my conscience comes into play...._

_*You're fretting over a guy you don't even know. That is so vain and superficial of you* _

_Piss off..._

"So, what do you think?" Iivari asked.

"Oh, um... it's great, wonderful," you said having no idea what all he just said.

"Good, great. Okay, now about you. You will start classes in a week. Here's the schedule. Now that I've showed you where everything is you shouldn't have a problem getting around," he said.

"Yeah, sure," you said nervously.

"And there is one more thing about today, that I think you should know," he said with a great, big smile on his face.

"What's that?"

"His Infernal Majesty is going to play in our auditorium this evening," he sounded very excited.

"You're a fan?" you asked.

"Oh, but of course. I know Ville and the rest of the guys personally. They became HIM and I stuck with school. Think it suited me better, don't you think?" Iivari said, not sounding disappointed.

"Yeah. When are they playing?"

"At nine this evening. Do you care to come?"

"Hell, yes."

_*Yeah, but only because you're now infatuated with a guy you know nothing about*_

"Shut up." you whispered.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, nothing. I better get back home, get ready."

"Oh, sure. I'll pick you up at 8:30?" Iivari asked.

_Is this a date type thingie?_

"Sure..." you said.

"Great, um, I'll see you at 8:30."

_Oh, yeah, this is a date... crap... How do I get in these kinds of situations?_

You turned around about ready to leave when you turned back around and called out to Iivari.

"Uh, Iivari. We just met and I don't really know you. I hope I didn't lead you on, but this rendez-vous we're having is just as acquaintances," he looked disappointed.

He rubbed the back of his neck and said, "Oh, yeah, totally. No pressure. 8:30 still, right?"

"Right," You got into the limo and headed home.

**That night**

**Ville P.O.V.**

"Alright, soundcheck sounds good. Everything's in order for tonight," a man said.

"Great."

You took a huge gulp of Jagermeister.

_Who is that girl? _

_*SHE is NO ONE* _

_I'm gonna perform horribly tonight._

Your cell rang.

"Hei?"

"Ville? It's Iivari."

"Iivari! Long time since I've heard from you. Coming to the show tonight or is your nose stuck in the books?"

"Yeah, I'm coming and I'm bringing someone."

"You got a girl?"

"Not technically. She kinda put the whole 'friends' or, as she called it, 'acquaintances' thing on me."

"Harsh. That doesn't even out you to the 'friend' level. What's her name?" you asked as you took a drag of your cigarette.

"Ella Brook."

You knew that name.

_It's the girl from last night..._

"Hei, Ville? Mind if I bring her backstage to meet you guys after the show?" Iivari asked.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll see you tonight."

"Alright, nakemiin."

Dail tone. You put the phone back in your pocket.

"Ville, wardrobe is calling you," Burton said.

"Oh, alright. Gotta get ready for the show," you smiled.

Mige and Gas looked at each other and thought: What's up with him?

**Your P.O.V.**

**At your loft**

The doorbell rang. It was 8:30 on the dot.

_Ever heard of being fashionably late... _

You had gotten ready and decided to wear nothing too formal. Just a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with your trusty Converse. You opened the door and there was Iivari with a dozen red roses.

"Uh, Iivari. I thought you said that..." you struggled to say.

"Oh, yes. No, these are not from me."

"From who, then?" Iivari gave you the roses and stepped to the side.

"Courtesy of Mr. Valo," a voice said.

There stood Ville dressed in his Sunday best.

"I hope we'll be more than 'acquaintances'."

You shot daggers at Iivari. He turned beet red.


	3. Sleaze

**That same night**

**Iivari P.O.V.**

Ella looked like she was ready to pounce on you. You turned red, embarrassed.

"Come on, it's getting pretty close to show time," you said.

Both Ella and Ville looked at you.

"Who are you, Seppo?" Ville said.

You struggled to say something.

"Don't worry. I'm just kidding; trying to lighten up the mood," Ville chuckled.

"Like the mood needs any lightening," Ella said walking down the steps red roses in hand.

Ville and you looked after her then back at each other.

"Why is she so cold?" Ville asked.

"I think it's temporary. She's probably uncomfortable, overwhelmed."

"Ahh."

"Well, come on let's go. The show must go on," you said.

"Right. I think I just condemned myself to a night of hell,"

You guys got into the limo and Ella sat in front of both of you looking absent-mindedly out the window. No one said anything on the way there.

_It's so tense..._

You thought as you guys stepped onto the stairs to the auditorium.

"I have to go. Get ready, you know? See you guys after the show," Ville said as he ran up the stairs putting his beanie on.

"Alright," you said after him.

Ella just stood there.

"What are you thinking?"

"How much I hate that stupid beanie. Why does he wear it?"

"Public appearance, hon. Public appearance. Come on, let's go. Please, lighten up and try to have a good time tonight so you can get rid of all that jet lag." you said as you grabbed her arm gently and went up the stairs.

She mumbled something under her breath.

"What's that?" you asked.

"Nothing," she grumbled.

_Women... I don't understand how she can go from great-we're-going-to-see-HIM to ice sculpture in 0-60._

Once you and Ella bumrushed to the front Ville was already singing "Buried Alive By Love", cigarette in his hand.

"_Again the burden of losing rests upon my shoulders_

_And its weight seems unbearable_

_Your tomb is where your heart is,_

_I should have told her_

_But within me hid a secret so terrible_

_To cry is to know that you're alive_

_But my river of tears has run dry_

_I never wanted to fool you, no_

_But a cold heart is a dead heart_

_And it feels like I've been buried alive by love_

_If I should die before I wake_

_Pray no one my soul to take_

_If I wake before I die,_

_Rescue me with your smile_

_If I should die before I wake_

_There ain't no one my soul to take_

_If I wake before I die,_

_Rescue me with your smile_

_The kiss of vanity blessed me with a spiritual murder_

_And fed the gods of war insatiable_

_Your home is where the dark is_

_I should have told her_

_Embrace the fire indestructible_

_To die is to know that you're alive_

_And my river of blood won't run dry_

_I never wanted to lose you, no_

_But a cold heart is a dead heart_

_And it feels like I've been buried alive by love_

_If I should die before I wake_

_Pray no one my soul to take_

_If I wake before I die,_

_rescue me with your smile_

_If I should die before I wake_

_Pray no one my soul to take_

_If I wake before I die,_

_Rescue me with your smile_

_And they say to cry is to know that you're alive_

_And my river of tears has run dry_

_I never wanted to fool you, no_

_But a cold heart is a dead heart_

_A deserted soul is gone_

_A cold heart is a dead heart_

_And it feels like I've been buried alive by love_

_If I should die before I wake_

_There ain't no one my soul to take_

_If I wake before I die,_

_Rescue me with your smile,_

_If I should die before I wake_

_Pray no one my soul to take_

_If I wake before I die,_

_Rescue me with your smile_

_I've been buried alive by love_

_I've been buried alive by love_

_Buried alive by love_

_I've been buried alive by love_

_I've been buried alive by love_

_I've been buried alive by love"_

The noise of the concert was almost unbearable. Girls younger than 18 were there screaming Ville's name, practically crying. Ville sung a lot more songs and it seemed that he wouldn't stop. Ella looked more relaxed and looked like she was having a good time singing along to each and every song by herself not noticing that there were people around her at all. She was squished against the stage with her arms on stage's floor just singing her pretty little self away.

_I wonder if this is the most relaxed she has been her whole life... known what little I know about her father..._

You knew that her father was involved in the black market selling illegal weapons to anyone who showed him enough money. His wife had mysteriously died about three years ago, but it was publicized as a suicide. Her older brother, James, was supposed take over the family business, but he was killed before he could even formally take over. You overheard Ella's name a couple of times in conversation while you were shipping illegal weapons place to place to pay for your education.

_Her life must've been hell... No wonder she came over here, away from all of that, I hope..._

**Your P.O.V.**

Ville finished his last song and everyone was screaming after him. One girl got on top of a guy's shoulders and pulled her shirt up flashing the rest of the band members, guys in the audience were wolf-whistling.

_Sleaze... Falling for a guy she doesn't even know..._

_*Look who's talking...*_

_Okay, I don't need that right now._

_*You're being a hypocrite. You like him and you don't even know him.*_

_But at least I'm not being a sleaze about it._

_*True, true... You're presenting yourself well.*_

_Finally a compliment._

_*Everyone needs an ego-boost from time to time*_

Someone grabbed you by the shoulder. It was Iivari.

"Come on, we get to go backstage."

People were filing out of the auditorium.

Iivari squeezed you through throngs of people who were hoping to get an autograph or even a last glimpse of HIM. You got up to the giant security guard and once he saw Iivari he smiled and moved to the side letting you and Iivari in. Once the security guard moved to the side girls started screaming. You looked back and saw Ville, Mige, Gas, Linde, and Burton were behind you trying to make it backstage with all their body parts intact. Iivari stopped and waited for the guys to come in.

Ville took his beanie off and wiped the sweat off his face and said:

"I'm never gonna get used to that. Want to go backstage?" He asked Iivari and you.

You nodded for the hell of it.

"Great. Follow me." Ville said

**Backstage**

You guys went into a good-sized room for all of you and sat down on the couches that were in a circle, unfortunately promoting conversation. There was a flatscreen television that broke the circle and was playing The Rasmus' "In the Shadows" video.

Iivari broke the silence among you and Ville. The rest of the guys were talking amongst themselves.

"The show was awesome, Ville."

"Thanks," he said looking at the TV screen humming along to the song.

"You've played with Lauri, right?" you asked Ville.

He looked surprised.

"Yeah, I have. Apocalytica featured me and Lauri in 'Bittersweet'. And I've played in a couple of concerts with him."

"I like them."

"Who?" Ville asked.

"Apocalyptica and The Rasmus. 69 Eyes is good, too," you said finally taking your eyes off the screen to look at Ville.

"Yeah, they're really good."

He took a drink of Jagermeister.

"A drink?"

He motioned to the refrigerator behind him.

"No, thanks."

"Well, if you feel like having a drink anytime just so you know it's legal here. The minimum drinking age is 18 with exceptions. I'm not trying to force anything on you," Ville said.

"'Preciate it," you said.

After the tension wore down and everyone even Iivari, except you, was a little more loose because of the alcoholic beverages you had a good time. Ville sung along to some songs that were playing on the TV. You talked with the rest of HIM and let your guard down.

_*No need to be so defensive until you have a real reason to.*_

_I guess..._

You guys talked until four in the morning. You looked at your watch.

"Fuck, it's already 4. I have to get home. Nice talking to you guys."

You got up and Iivari and Ville did the same. You looked at Iivari.

"Just want to make sure you got home safe." Iivari said.

Ville said, "I live there," as he put his jacket and his beanie back on.

"Alright, guys. I'm going home," he said to the rest of the guys and they all mumbled their good-byes.

You guys got into the limo and headed home. Once you got to your front door Iivari said good-bye, but ran downstairs, which left you and Ville.

"I hope I get to know you better you seem like a nice person," Ville said putting his hand out.

You shook it. Iivari came running up the stairs with something in his hands.

"You forgot these in the car."

He handed you the red roses.

"Thanks," you said as you took them and put the key in the lock.

You opened the door and stepped inside saying good-bye to Ville and Iivari. Once they left you shut the door and leaned against it, sighing.

_What a hell of a day…_


	4. A Drink and Pancakes

She groaned as the sunlight directly hit her in the face; one of the downsides to the summers in Finland. She couldn't wait until the winter where she could envelop herself in the almost constant cover of darkness. She loved the night, something about it made her feel safe, hidden from the many dangers of the world. As she shielded her face the previous night's events came to mind. The roses were on the floor next to the bed. They were exceptionally beautiful, but the gesture creeped her out. Here was this guy who she _knew of_, but didn't know at all at the same time.

_How can someone be so nonchalant about roses?_, she thought. It scared her because it disarmed her. Thoughts ran rampant as she picked up the last few stray petals and headed to the kitchen intent on preserving the flowers. As disturbing as the gesture may have been she couldn't let such beauty go to waste. She filled the vase with ice-cold water letting it run over hands as she placed the flowers in.

Simple actions like this is what made life worth living. It was the small things in life that mattered. The big picture was always the one that was severely distorted and she would avoid that distortion for as long as she could, Finland was a nice start. Lost in her thought, the doorbell rang. She jumped a little, surprised, seeing as she wasn't expecting company and hoped to God it wasn't over-eager Iivari trying to 'befriend' her.

There he leaned against the doorframe in all his self-imposed glory. His physical attractiveness was greatly diminished by his rock star arrogance. Even when he didn't move there was a certain swagger about him. All those fantasies she held about what she would do when she'd meet him, if ever, were crumbling fast. She didn't bother to even say hello, but yet he still smiled. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot. If he was waiting for an invitation he'd be standing there a very long time. He looked at her expectantly.

"Aren't you going to let your favorite rock star in?" he took a step forward, but she shoved him back.

"Whoa-ho, hei, what are you doing?" for a second he genuinely sounded hurt.

"I'm not gonna let a complete stranger in my house," she said acidly. "What do you want?"

She wasn't sure why she was being so uncivil towards him, but it really didn't bother her and didn't give it a second thought. He leaned against the doorway once again. This guy didn't take a hint. He smiled and shook his head.

"We're not strangers. You definitely know my name, love. The underwear proved it," he said in a slow drawl.

"Wh- I- You—" she felt like steam was coming out of her ears.

He laughed as he tried to light a cigarette and then took a drag. She huffed and went to close the door, but he held it open with one hand.

"Aw, come on, don't be like that, love," he said pleadingly.

She scowled at him trying to close the door with both hands. She honestly couldn't believe what she was hearing, how he could be so nonchalant about seeing her in her underwear, her homemade, fangirl, heartagram boy shorts. As soon as he left those would be thrown away immediately, as if they never existed and that never happened. She was blushing madly.

"Don't worry about it, beautiful, you looked brilliant," he smirked.

At this she leaned her whole body against the door and he did as well. She grunted with effort. To have such a small and slender frame he was surprisingly strong. Their faces were inches away from each other now. Each time he laughed his breath gently hit her face and the combined smell of cigarettes and distinct cologne filled her nostrils. It was almost intoxicating. There was no use he was stronger. A smile came over her face and she quickly moved away from the door.

He screamed as he tumbled in and hit his head in the wall. He looked up at her in disbelief with a pout on his face. She stood towering over him with her arms crossed, a look of triumph on her face.

"Now, leave, stranger," she held the door open.

He got up slowly and brushed himself off pout still on his face.

"Well, how 'bout a drink, sweetheart?"

She pointed out the door with a slight smile on her face._ [i]He was one persistent little bugger[/i]_, she thought.

"Pancakes?" he asked picking up his cigarette from the floor and slipping it behind his ear.

She still pointed outside the door.

"Both?" he shrugged his shoulders taking a step forward and grabbing her hand.

She snatched it away. He couldn't believe how stubborn she was. He was tempted to just grab her and put her over his shoulder. _Time with BamBam is definitely rubbing off too much on me_, he chuckled at the thought. She smiled a bit. She knew he wasn't going to give up and what was the point of resisting. He was offering to pay for food and drinks after all.

"Give me five minutes," she went down the entrance hall and bounded up the stairs.

He didn't pay attention to where they were going. She didn't talk much even when he tried to make small talk. They reached the nearest restaurant. It was a small place with a small local menu. She was surprised that his arrogance hadn't influenced him to go to some fancy place just so he could show off. The more flaws she thought she saw the easier she'd find it to not get too close to him. He ordered for both flashing the waitress a cheeky grin as he finished his order. She blushed and hurried off.

"Do you have to flirt with everything that moves?" Ella asked with mock disgust.

"I'm just a gentleman. Proof that chivalry isn't dead, darling," he smiled, eyes twinkling.

She was tempted to laugh out loud, but just shook her head. _Chivalry, alive. Right…_

"What? You don't believe it is?" he asked as he took a drink of his pint never taking his eyes off of her.

"Somewhat," she squirmed under his scrutiny.

The waitress set the order on the table and he flashed another brilliant smile saying something in Finnish she didn't quite catch. She giggled and hurried off again.

"Jeez, seems like you turn every girl into a giggling schoolgirl…" she hadn't touched her food, just moved it around with her fork.

"What can I say, love?" he shrugged. "You're not hungry? They're marvelous pancakes."

She took a gulp of her drink shrugging her shoulders. She wasn't hungry at all and being here with him made her nervous enough that she was afraid she might not have been able to keep her food down anyway. Ella looked out the window, trying to do anything to avoid looking at him. She couldn't believe she was face to face with her idol. His music had gotten her through so much, kept her alive through the worst of times. She didn't think he realized or grasped the influence he had over his fans and she sure as hell wasn't going to admit it to him.

"You sure hold your alcohol well. Four brewskies and no swaying. Can't say much about slurring, though. You do talk, don't you?"

She put her drink down, smiling shyly.

"Yes, I talk. Don't have much to talk about though. I don't know you and I don't open up to people easily," she motioned the bartender for another drink. "There, I think I've talked enough."

He shook his head finishing his drink. She was so closed off. He liked challenges though and wasn't thinking about giving up anytime soon. He welcomed anything that took his mind off of his own problems and she was a nice distraction.

They stayed in the restaurant chatting, but mainly drinking. He pried her with insignificant questions, but the more she drank the more open she became until eventually she was like a completely different person. It was a welcome change on his part. She practiced her Finnish with him and he had to admit, for a foreigner and on the account she was a bit buzzed, it was pretty damn good. Pancakes and a drink turned out to be an all day event.

She was practicing her Finnish with Ville once again when his phone rang. She stifled a laugh as put his finger up. She swayed to the bathroom, dancing all the way, like a little kid does when they have to pee. This made him chuckle.

"Ville!"

He shook himself out of his trance.

"Hei," he said rubbing his face.

"What? No 'I love you'."

"Would you really want me to say it now?"

She was so damn demanding. He looked at the 'J' on his finger.

"Goddamnit, Ville. Is that so hard? Why are you being such a bitch?"

"Me? Honestly, love! Me, the bitch? Who's the one that disappeared for the past month?"

"You could easily call me. I'm a busy woman."

He growled in frustration. Ella had returned from the restroom and he gave her a forced smile. She continued drinking and eating the rest of her cold pancakes. She wondered who he was talking to. His mood did a complete 360. He was speaking Finnish very rapidly in a rushed whisper and she couldn't catch much of anything. He snapped the phone shut and distanced himself from it as much as possible. He flashed another smile. She smiled back.

"Who was that? It sure put you in a foul mood," she asked taking a drink.

He hoped she wouldn't ask that. He fidgeted in his seat, smile faltering. She knew something was wrong and she regretted asking.

"Jonna, my fiancé," he coughed.

She started coughing uncontrollably. He panicked and rushed behind her patting her back until the coughing died down. She turned in her chair to look back at him.

"Excuse me?"

"Jonna Nygren, my fiancé," he said scratching his head.

She cleared her throat and smiled.

"Would you care to explain why I am here with you then? When you have a fiancé?"

"What? It's a harmless drink. I'm just trying to get to know you. Is that a crime?"

"I don't see flirting as appropriate behavior for a soon-to-be-married, 'chivalrous' man," she chuckled.

He was truly surprised she was this calm. He sat back down in his seat opposite of her careful not to rile her up, watching her every move and expression. She looked at her watch making him do the same. It was already six in the evening. He really had nowhere to be. The band was on a much deserved break for a couple of months.

"I think it's time for me to go back home. Thanks for the pancakes and drinks," she put some money on the table, but he just put it back in her hand. She swayed a little.

"Well, we live in the same building. Let me walk you home," he stood up and held out his arm.

"On one condition," she said seriously as she took his arm.

"Anything, love."

"Be honest from now on," she said looking up at him.

He crossed his heart. "I think I know how to facilitate honesty."

"How?"

"Tequila and 21 questions," he raised his eyebrows.

"You're on," she smiled brightly and pulled him along.


	5. Truths

She was rolling on the living room floor, laughing hysterically. Drinking always brought down her barriers and she enjoyed that time as much as she could. She was beginning to realize all the assumptions she put up in her mind about Ville were all a farce, but didn't let it bug her for the time being. He was actually quite nice at least that's what her drunken self thought.

"What? What is so funny about that? I could've been really hurt!" he pulled her back up and held her hands making sure she didn't fall backwards again.

"How could you possibly let that happen?" she was laughing very aware of his touch, but didn't let him know it, she took another swig.

"Like I'd want a mugging to happen. You are a cruel woman, laughing at my misfortunes," he frowned and feigned looking hurt.

She slipped a hand out of his and ruffled his hair.

"Aw, poor, Mr. Valo. I would've protected you if I were there," she smacked his cheek.

"Ow," he rubbed his cheek, but had a mischievous grin on his face. "I rather enjoyed that."

She blushed madly, not knowing what to say.

"Ok, my turn," he said. "I can't believe I hadn't thought to ask this earlier. How many boyfriends have you had?"

"Many," she blurted out before she could censor herself.

"Fair enough," he took a swig.

Something about this man made it hard to control her speech and she hated it.

"Ok. Um," she thought hard about her next question. "Why do you want to know the answer to that?"

He stretched out his legs, still holding her hands, compared to his they were tiny. He wished she'd take of her jacket just so he could see a bit more of her, but she vehemently refused.

"Just curious, is all."

"Does the answer bother you?" she took the bottle and took a little sip grimacing for a second.

"No," he said simply.

"Why not?"

"Sweetheart, have you listened to any of my songs?"

She laughed and took her last swig of the night.

"That was three questions, by the way, love."

"I was always bad at math," she smiled. "So I guess it's your turn. And you get three wishes."

"Sweetheart," he laughed out loud. "Don't you mean 'questions'?"

"Whatever you want, Mr. Valo."

"Alright, then. First, I wish you would stop calling me 'Mr. Valo'. It's making me feel rather old,"

"No way, Jose."

"Jose?" he was genuinely befuddled.

"It's an expression. Go on," she prompted squeezing his hands.

"Second, I wish for a muse: you."

"You don't know me how can I possibly be a muse to you?"

"Ah, but that is where the third wish comes in. Lastly, I wish we could do this again sometime so that I do get to know you. Promise me. I like being around you," he squeezed her hands back.

She looked down and thought about it for a second. 'Yes' was her emotional answer, but her brain told her something completely different. It was like a siren going off in her head warning her, the less contact with him the better. Engaged in her mind was synonymous with married, but just a little bit more unstable and she didn't want to be the one that tip the scales. Although her rational side was still functioning properly, it was not match for her emotions. Her impulsiveness was one of her biggest flaws, and why try to change that now? She had all the time in the world.

"Yes, I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Death really isn't really an assurance for me, babe."

"Ugh, ok, well. Cross my heart and hope to give it to you if I don't keep my promise. Is that better?"

"Yes, definitely," he smiled a crooked smile.

"Now you get to ask the three questions. Since your wishes are granted,"

"Hm," he took a sip of the tequila. "Have you ever been in love?"

"No," she answered matter of factly.

"Do you think there is such a thing as love?"

"Yes, but the imperfections of people tend to mess it up and then it's very hard to recognize, so hard that people tend to give up and don't look for it for the rest of their lives."

He nodded in acknowledgement. She wasn't sure if it was out of respect or that he actually agreed with her view, but she didn't press it. Any matters of love were best avoided as far as she was concerned especially when talking about it with him.

"Are you one of those people?"

"No, not yet. I'm on the fence though. It'd take a very strong person to push me and convince me to keep going."

"I will," he said burning through her with those emerald green eyes.

"Yeah, ok, Mr. Valo," she brushed it off. "What about you?

"I've lost my faith in love, sweetheart."

"Don't feel too bad. I'll be joining you soon," she ruffled his hair again.

He chuckled.

Drinking all day was something she had not planned, but she couldn't deny she was having a good time. It had been a while since she hadn't been scolded about her actions. It was a welcome relief, but she could tell he was going to be a bad influence. She looked at him as he was trying to light his cigarette. She snatched the lighter from his hand and lit it on the first try.

"Wow, you're fabulous," he mumbled as he leaned in and lit it. "Thank you, my love."

"No problem," she took the cigarette that was tucked behind his ear and lit it, taking a long drag.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"What?" she asked exhaling. "A girl can't smoke?"

"I just haven't seen you light up at all."

"Mr. Valo, you've only known me for three days."

"Ah, touché," he nodded.

"When are you planning to go to your residence?" she said looking at her watch. "It's almost eight o' clock and I need my beauty rest."

He frowned as he took another drag. He even made smoking look good. Every move he made seemed graceful and with purpose. She mentally kicked herself for even beginning to think like this. Yes, he was absolutely gorgeous, but the two were on completely different paths and both knew the downsides of love and/or attraction, but how did one overcome primal feelings? She brushed off these thoughts as quickly as she could afraid that it would become visible to him.

"Alright, love. If that's what you want I'll leave," he struggled to get up and put out his cigarette on the ashtray on the coffee table

She walked with him to the door and said good night. The sooner he left the better, she thought. His flirting was contagious and especially dangerous since it came so natural to him. It might not have bad intentions behind it, but she certainly wanted to believe that there were. She promised herself to try not to drink around him ever again and hoped she could keep it.

"Good night, love."

She held out her hand, but instead of shaking it, being the man he was, he kissed it instead.

"I suggest you restrain from doing that," she pulled her hand away.

"Why? Is it too much for you?" he joked.

She scowled.

"No, Mr. Valo. I suggest that for your sake. You're the engaged one."

"Not happily," he smirked.

"The tequila must be getting to you Mr. Valo in order for you to say such foolish things. If you are unhappy I suggest you take it to a premarital counselor."

"You are my counselor. You make me feel good," he was leaning against the doorway.

"I suggest you leave and wank to a picture of your beloved so you're reminded what you're committed to. Good night. Now for her and your sake, go home."

He was stung by her words, but didn't let it show. He knew she was only saying it in good fun, but he wished she could know everything he thought about his situation with Jonna. At least one person would know and he wouldn't have to hold it completely inside. He said good night one more time before heading up to his apartment. The boys were gone for the night as the apartment was completely empty. He lit up another cigarette and lay on the couch. Smoking helped facilitate his thinking. It was his way of relaxing. He took a couple of more drags and put it out and not long after he drifted off to sleep trying to separate his rational thoughts from primitive feelings.

After he left she decided to head to bed, but not before taking an Advil and drinking water straight from the kitchen tap. It was too strenuous a walk up the stairs in her inebriated state of mind so she grabbed two blankets from the linen closet and lay on the plush couch for the night. Before drifting off to sleep she promised herself not to drink around him once again.

He was dangerous, as dangerous as miserable poets came.


	6. Loudmouth

Ville woke up with a screaming headache. Why he had suggested tequila, he had no clue and if he could kick his own ass at that very moment he would have. The guys had apparently come back sometime during the night and apparently had the same type of night he did. Burton, Mige, and Gas were all strewn across the living room floor. Linde appeared in front of him aspirin and glass of water in hand.

"Thanks, sweetheart," Ville smiled only to cry out in pain.

He took the aspirin and Linde sat down next to him crossing his legs turning on the tv and flipped through the channels until he settled on the Discovery Channel. Ville and Linde watched an entire show about polar bears in silence. There had always been an unspoken understanding. They enjoyed each others' company. Without speaking they could pick up on each others' feelings. Ville appreciated that very much. It made some things a whole lot easier. The others still had not woken up. Ville fought off any urge to go straight down to Ella's flat. He enjoyed her company even if she was a bit cold and stand-offish when sober. It was a nice change.

"Ella's last night?" Linde was a man of few words.

Ville nodded.

"Be careful."

"I know better. I'm older," Ville smiled as he put his head on Linde's shoulder.

"But not wiser," he chuckled.

"Chess?"

Linde nodded and got up to fetch the set.

Ville moved to the dining table, lit up, and waited for Linde to join him.

Ella woke up to the bright sunlight once again. She reminded herself to buy heavy curtains that would block out all sunlight out of her loft. She showered and threw on an oversized shirt before heading over to the kitchen to whip something up for her noon breakfast. Pancakes, she would make pancakes. When she finished she plopped down on the couch with her humongous stack of pancakes. She turned on the tv and settled on the show of a renowned Jackass. Ella was always fascinated by these guys, "Bam" and his so-called "crew". _Were they really like that? That idiotic and insane?_, she thought to herself. She highly doubted it.

There was a knock on the door, she simply yelled at whomever to come in. Locked doors made her nervous. Ville peeked his head in from the hall way. She motioned for him to come in. He sat down on the loveseat next to the couch crossing his legs.

."You really should lock your door, love," he face was very grave. "You don't know what can happen."

She laughed.

"I'm serious. There are some sick people out there," he said as he lit up.

She put down her plate of pancakes on the coffee table and motioned for his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He looked confused for a second.

"Not until you promise me you'll lock the door," he said seriously.

She just scoffed and went upstairs. In a few moments she was dressed, grabbed the keys from the kitchen counter, headed out the door Ville soon at her heels. If he wouldn't give her one smoke she'd get some of her own. She was already outside the building when Ville called after her. She only walked faster.

Ella really had no clue where she was going, but she was sure she'd run into a store that sold smokes eventually. He had no clue what he had done to make her act this way. He called after again. As he finally reached her he grabbed her wrist, but pulled a bit harder than he meant causing her to knock into him. He instinctively held her only to have her push away.

"What is going on?" he asked letting go of her wrist.

"I just asked you for a smoke and in exchange you want me to make a promise?"

"Yes, a simple one at that, one that would ensure your safety."

"Did you ever wonder there's a reason behind my decision?"

"A death wish?"

The two were still standing in the middle of the street. She sighed. This was something she did not want to get into and she was just now realizing how badly she overreacted, but it was something she couldn't help, something that in order for him to understand she would have to explain and she wasn't going to do that. She had explained enough things about herself to too many people.

"No, Ville, I'm sorry. I overreacted. I'll lock the door from now on. I promise," she leaned against the wall.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her along.

"Come on, you can have my pack," he handed it to her. "I have an extra at home."

"Where are we going?" she hated not knowing things.

"Back to your loft. We're going to go out, love, and have a good time. I figured you'd want to dress up in something fancier. I'm going to get you out of this bad mood."

She really didn't understand why he gave a shit what kind of mood she was in. By this time most people would've called her a bitch and run off to hang out or be with someone else.

"What are you talking about?"

"Dress formal."

Once back at the flat she did as Ville instructed and chose to wear a simple black dress that didn't reveal much, but it hugged her every curve and simple black stilettos. She curled her raven hair simply and let it fall around her shoulders. She found comfort in simplicity and never felt the need to show off. Being in the limelight wasn't her idea of fun. Ville had gone up to his loft to put on something a bit more formal as well and told her when she was done to come right up. She wasn't sure why she was going along with this, but decided to anyway. She did feel kind of bad for the scene she caused and wanted to humor him.

She rang the doorbell and waited. Just from the other side of the door she heard two people yelling. Each yell louder than the next and scuffling that got closer and closer to the door. _Could it be a lover's quarrel between Linde and Ville?_ She laughed at the thought when suddenly the door flew open, but it wasn't Ville who stood at the threshold.

Behind her you could see Gas trying to speak to Ville, but he was only trying to get to the door.

"I'm sorry, Ville. I thought—"

"No use worrying about it now. Goddamnit, Gas, sometimes you can be such a loudmouth!"

For a moment Ella forgot about the person blocking the doorway. She snapped her fingers in Ella's face.

"And just who the hell are you?" she spat.

"Ella. I might ask you the same thing," she wasn't going to be intimidated by this woman.

She scoffed before cursing at Ville.

"So this is the little whore you've been fucking?"

Before Ella could get a word in edge-wise she had slammed the door literally on her face. She cried out in pain and instantly clutched her nose, feeling something begin to trickle.


	7. Jack and Sally

The door swung open again and Ville stood there fuming until he finally registered the scene in front of him. Jonna was nowhere in sight, but her screaming could be heard all throughout the building. He couldn't care less about all the nonsense she was spewing. He rushed Ella inside and told the guys to call the police. Jonna wouldn't willingly leave and having brought Ella in he thought that there might be some trouble.

He felt so stupid for letting this happen. Ella hadn't said a word, hadn't even shed one tear as he handed her a bag of ice to put on her nose. Jonna had taken it too far this time and this was his chance to make something good come out of this harmful co-dependent relationship he had been dancing around for all these past years. He instructed Ella to sit down at the dining room table and Linde immediately came over with a wet rag to clean up the blood that was running down staining her face and chest.

With his mind more determined than ever he busted open the bedroom door. Jonna immediately descended on him like a bird of prey. She thought that this time he'd give in and cower and make-up sex would bring everything back to 'normal'. Well, she was in for a big surprise. His green eyes glared at her as she screamed in his face, flecks of spit bombarding him with every word. He just stood there waiting until she ran out of fuel waiting for the apology that would never come.

This time he had done nothing wrong and refused to apologize for a mistake that he never made. Jonna stood there inches from his face, fringe covering her crazed eyes slightly.

"Well, what do you fucking have to say for yourself, pig? Unfaithful dog!"

Ville wiped his face and took a deep breath.

"Get out. I never want to see your face again. Don't even think of crawling back to me or I doing the same thing because this is over. I don't love you. I don't want to marry you and I sure as hell am not going to support your addictions by putting up with it. So it's best if you just leave. I am only going to say this once," he grabbed the knob on the door and motioned her to leave.

She only laughed and yelled some more nonsense, but he could see in her eyes that she was a bit unnerved by his calmness. Usually he would apologize right away and make up, but it wasn't happening this time.

"You can't take me out of here! I am your wife. I belong here," she hissed once again right in his face.

"Oh, love. We are _only_ engaged. That is probably the only mistake I have been proud to make. Now, sweetheart, if you would just leave," he said as he grabbed her bag from the bed and put it in her hands. "Linde has already called the authorities."

Her face was completely unreadable. He took advantage of her sudden loss of words and, hand on the small of her back, gently guided her out of the flat although his mind told him otherwise. He knew she wouldn't risk another scandal. Her career depended on it and she wouldn't do anything to interrupt her cash flow.

"Take care, love," he said sweetly and shut the door.

He waited for the pounding on the door to start, but all he heard was the clicking of her heels gradually fading away. He had learned the best way to deal with confrontations with her was to be completely and totally calm, though it was damn near impossible when inebriated. He quickly made his way over to the dining room and knelt down in front of Ella inspecting her nose. The bleeding gad stopped, but knew that wasn't the important thing. The cartilage was broken and her nose was off to one side.

"What a wonderful fiancé you have. It was lovely to meet her," she joked.

She smiled, but winced right afterwards. He shook his head and could not believe she found in her heart to be making jokes at such a time. She truly was an enigma. She kept the ice pressed to her nose with her head down. If she didn't have bad luck she wouldn't have any luck at all, she thought. The way Jonna left without saying a word unsettled her making her wonder what Ville had said to her in order for that miracle to take place. The throbbing made her hazel eyes water, but she refused to cry. She couldn't cry. Ella knew if she'd let that happen she wouldn't be able to stop herself.

"Ella, you need to go to the hospital, love," he said softly. "It needs to be put back in place."

She shook her head vigorously at the mention of a hospital. She hated hospitals, and would never step foot in one, not willingly. There was no way she was going to the hospital. She preferred an off-center nose.

"You have to," he pulled her up from the chair and started for the door. "Linde when the police get here, tell them it was a misunderstanding. Come on, sweetheart."

Linde simply nodded. She was walking with hesitation regretting what she was going to say next and stopped dead in her tracks once on her floor.

"Ville, I'm begging you. I can't go to the hospital," she said on the verge of tears.

He looked down at her, arm still around her waist.

"What do you suggest we do then?"

She really didn't want to burden him, but she knew she couldn't do it on her own.

"I need you to set it," she looked up at him.

The word had finally reared its ugly head. She hated admitting that at times she was not self-sufficient. That she, like anyone else, needed others. The vulnerability disgusted her. He wanted to tell her 'no', but the look in her eyes at the mention of a hospital made him think otherwise. Had it been anyone else he would have taken them to the hospital by force. He was no good in times of crises. How could he possibly help others when he hadn't even figured out how to help himself? She was still looking at him waiting for his answer. He sighed.

"Alright, love. I'll help."

She exhaled deeply and walked down the hall to her flat, taking out the keys from the top of her dress and unlocking the door while still holding the ice pack up to her nose. He was genuinely surprised, but nonetheless pleased she had kept her promise.

"Sit down, I'll be down in a minute. There's no use wearing this now, is there?" she smiled only to immediately wince again.

She did look stunning and as he watched her go up the stairs he was a bit disappointed she had decided to change. He took his jacket off and put it on the coat rack and took off his black tie before sitting down on the couch, not looking forward to what he was about to do, hoping that he wouldn't make it worse. She came back down in an oversized sweater with a school emblem and Jack Skellington pajama bottoms. She sat down and turned around to face him as she put down the ice pack. He really, really, really didn't want to do this. He took a deep breath and placed his hands on both sides of her nose. She breathed deeply and smiled.

"Don't worry, Mr. Valo. You're not the only that likes pain," she laughed softly.

He had no idea what she was talking about, but decided to save that for later. He counted to three and there was a loud crack. She winced and cried out for a second, tears finally escaping her eyes.

She was so tempted to yell out at the top of her lungs, but forced herself not to. When she finally opened her eyes she saw that Ville was paler than his usual self. He looked like he was on the verge of collapsing, right then and there. As soon as he set her nose he quickly withdrew his hands. He felt a bit lightheaded and sick to his stomach, but it soon passed.

"Ok, now that that is done. You promised me some fun, Mr. Valo," she said eyes still watering.

He cleared his throat. He couldn't believe her, by this point he would have been screaming out in pain. He quickly cleared his thoughts and smiled.

"Yes, well, what do you have in mind?"

She got up, scanned the free standing shelves right next to the huge plasma screen tv and picked out a movie and threw it on his lap. He smiled.

"Oh, how I do love Jack and Sally," he grinned wildly.

She grabbed it from him and popped it into the DVD player. She sat back down on the couch and watched the screen with anticipation. This movie had never failed to help her escape from her problems. About halfway through the movie, she got the genius idea to break her promise and brought out the bottle of Jack.


	8. Perfect Storm

Her eyes looked a bit glazed and still a bit watery. He didn't dare say anything when she went to the kitchen and got the bottle of Jacks, but was determined to keep her talking more than she drank. With the movie playing in the background they decided on finishing their game of 21 questions. After she drank a bit, he asked as many questions to distract her from drinking and it was working.

"… We started running for our lives, hoping not to get caught, but to be an oversized, fat, tub-of-lard cop he ran pretty damn fast," she laughed loudly. "I was running across the field until I heard a sudden crack."

"What happened?"

"There was a huge, gaping hole in the ground and as I was running I completely fell into it and shattered my ankle," she laughed once again, but he looked rather concerned. "So not only was I arrested, but I fucked up my ankle completely."

He shook his head.

"What happened to your friend?"

"He escaped and that was the last I ever saw of him, really," she shrugged taking another drink.

"You weren't mad? That he left you to fend for yourself?" he took the bottle from her, pretending to take a drink.

"No, I'm used to it, really. That isn't the worst of it."

"I would've stayed with you," he said seriously.

She looked away, fearing if she looked at him she'd do something she'd regret. She leaned over to the coffee and grabbed the lighter and a cigarette from the pack quickly lighting up. Ville did the same. Some of the things he said she wished she could just ignore; turn her emotions off for the moment. They may have been simple things to him, but to her they meant a lot.

Her life wasn't one filled with that much support so far and it was an alien thing for her. She hated depending on people, not only because it made her feel weak, but also because it was so strange. She wasn't sure how to react. She took a drag still not looking at him.

He noticed what she was doing because he himself was no stranger to the routine either. She escaped life when it got rough by taking another action, usually with alcohol and smoking. Anything that helped her escape was something she cherished. He was willing to bet on it. It was killing him, not knowing what the root cause of it was, but he had to be careful not to directly ask her. He remembered what she said about love. She was on the fence about that, but he was also willing to bet it was not only that, but many more things in her life. He watched her as she took another drag, finally looking up, smiling. He wondered how much of it an act, if any of it was. He was burning with so many questions, but only smiled back.

"I guess it's my turn now to be the Spanish Inquisition," she stated.

He raised his eyebrows.

"What?"

"So-called 'torture' devices will do you no good, love. If anything, when used on me you might get more questions regarding my reactions rather than answers," he smiled playfully.

She blushed and quickly looked away. He couldn't help making her blush, he loved the way she looked when she did that. He took another pretend sip of Jack. He didn't know why, but he wanted all his senses to be fully functional when around her. He wanted to take every aspect of her in, not diminished in any way. She looked back up, the rosy color still on her cheeks.

"What's your family like?" she asked.

"Well, I have a brother eight years my junior; Jesse. I don't see my mum and dad as often as I should, but love them dearly. My mother is a bit protective of me, but whose mum isn't? I'm grateful for my family. They've always been there. I don't have anything to complain about," he smiled as he took a drag. "What about yours?"

Her eyes darted from side to side. She looked away and wiped her face quickly.

"What's wrong?"

She laughed. This time he was sure it was a forced laughed. It was a bit constricted and high-pitched, almost as if she had rehearsed it, but not well enough.

"Oh, nothing, really," she took a drag. "Honestly, I just got something in my eye and my nose still kind of hurts. The throbbing really hasn't died down."

She smiled again, but he just looked at her, doubt still visible all over his face. He wasn't going to fall for it or give in for that matter and she knew it. She put out her cigarette and yawned.

"I am a bit tired. We'll continue this tomorrow, yeah?"

"No," he said sternly grabbing her hand in case she decided to bail.

"I'm tired, Ville. Your fiancé didn't help matters either," she ruffled his hair with her other hand.

"No."

She tried to pry his hand off, but he wouldn't budge.

"'No' what, Ville? You can't stop me from going to sleep," she was beginning to get a little bit irritated.

"You can't run forever," he was staring at her now.

"Leave now," her eyes were starting to betray her.

"Others may have not cared enough and obeyed you when you told them to leave," he pulled her forward. "I can assure you, darling. I am not one of those people."

"But—" she started to protest, eyes leaking now.

"I don't care. There are no excuses; not even the fact that I've only known you for less than a week. Any person I cross paths with in my life matter."

She couldn't hold it in anymore and started to sob freely, head hanging down in defeat. He had known what she was going to say even before she said it. He wasn't going to leave and she both hated him and loved him for it. There was nothing she could do or say to make him lave, she had no control and she despised that. Every time she sobbed her head felt like it was on fire, the throbbing each time made worse. She wanted to yell at him, hit him, and make him feel as bad as she felt.

She wouldn't stop sobbing even as he moved next to her enveloping her in his arms, careful to avoid her nose. He knew he walls had broken down and was familiar with the feeling of helplessness; all he could do was be there for her. Silence is sometimes the best remedy. She cried until her breathing became more even and steady.

"Please talk to me, love," he said arms still wrapped around her. "I promise it'll make you feel better."

She shook her head.

"Please…" he looked down at her. "Tell me what you hold in your heart. You can't keep everything in there forever."

Her eyes began to water again, but she said nothing. She only pressed her face against his chest. They stayed that way what seemed like forever. He occasionally ran his fingers through her hair and hugged her tightly. She cleared her throat.

"Please, sweetheart, talk to me."

She took a deep breath and took the plunge, not to humor him, but for her own good. She knew he was right, but she hoped she wouldn't regret giving into him afterwards.

"Okay."

He rubbed her back and kissed her head. She started slowly, but then the words began tumbling a=out of her mouth and she couldn't stop herself. She wasn't sure if she even wanted to.

"Everything in my life was all I ever wanted. When I asked for something I got it. I didn't ask for much, but when I did, my mom went the whole 9 yards. I didn't think about where all the money was coming from and neither did she. Dad was never around. He would always be out on business trips in Eastern Europe," she took a breath, pausing slightly.

He only listened.

"When I was around 11, my dad was home more often, but he never had time for me or mom. He was always busy. One day I remember waking up in the middle of the night and going up to their bedroom door and I heard mom crying. I had been having nightmares, but when I heard the yelling I simply froze in place. She was yelling at my dad, 'How could you do this to us, Edward?! I might as well put a gun to my temple! Edward, I hate you! You bastard! How could you put Ella and me at risk like this?! Why, Edward? Why?'" she almost stopped herself.

Although he was listening, it was painful for him to hear what she had to say. It pained him to hear of other people's hardships more than his own problems.

"I can remember that like it was yesterday. She found out my dad was involved with the black market that day, selling illegal weapons, mostly guns. She ran away with me to give us a safer and more secure life. That's how we ended up in Cincinnati. She met Paul, your typical Cincinnatian: blue-collar job, loved his drinks and naked women. To this day I don't know what she saw in him. She worked three jobs in order to support Paul and me, but mostly Paul, because if Paul wasn't happy, we weren't allowed to be happy..."


	9. Never the Answer

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't condone in any way any acts of self mutilation. I understand this is a delicate subject, but this is simply a fictitious situation. Nothing more.

"After living with Paul for a couple of months my mom and I found out what we were sacrificing in order to have 'a more secure life' and it was ourselves. After a while I could see his possessiveness and violent traits. My mom would get mysterious bruises. She started wearing sunglasses during the day. A couple of days I saw her with thin cuts and bruises around her neck. It was a matter of time before it happened to me. Paul started to yell at me and then say he was sorry and then caress me..." she stopped as tears ran down her cheek.

"It's okay, love. Please don't cry. You're safe. You're safe with me..."

Ville hugged her tightly whispering in her ear. She continued.

"Everything got to be too much... I couldn't handle and I started scratching on myself with pencils during school while trying to maintain my social status in Country Day. It was full of snobs and stuck-up bitches and I couldn't stand it anymore. It was way too fucking much. My mom was more of a recluse every day. She would lock herself in her room for hours at a time just rocking on her rocking chair, knitting furiously. All the while, Paul was taking out all his perversions and anger on me. People stopped talking to me. And when scratching on myself wasn't enough I started cutting... and my mom... she..."

She started to sob hysterically on his shoulder.

"I cant... Ville, I can't..." Ella managed to say in between sobs.

"It's okay, love. That's enough, you don't have to say anything you don't wish to say..."

He was caressing her back, his eyes starting to betray him as well. She cried until she fell asleep and he didn't dare try to move her eventually falling asleep as well. He woke up with a start and looked around. When he started to regained his surroundings noticing Ella wasn't there.

"Ella?" he called out.

No answer.

He got up and looked around the loft.

"Ella?!" he called out a little louder.

Ville sat back down. _Where the hell is she?_ He rubbed the back of his neck and noticed there was a letter on the coffee table.

_Ville,_

_I don't know how to form the words to put down on this paper. I should've shunned you as soon as I felt the slightest spark of a feeling. Everyone I meet eventually meets their death whether it is literally or figuratively. After all, with each passing day we die a bit more. This is my good-bye. Not a permanent good-bye. Don't worry this is not some pathetic suicide letter, but just a confirmation of the parting of ways and I would appreciate if you'd respect my wishes. I don't want to be the death of you. You are a shining light to so many out there and I couldn't possibly take that away from them. So with that I leave you, Your Infernal Majesty. Au revoir._

_Yours truly, forever and always,_

_Ella._

"Fuck!"

He threw the letter on the floor, grabbed his jacket, and let the door slam behind him.

"Give me another fucking drink..." she slurred a bit.

_This tastes like shit and this is bullshit, but, hell, so is the rest of my fucking life..., she thought to herself. _She took another drink of the Peach Schnapps._ What the hell was I thinking bearing my soul to a complete stranger?!_ She was furious with herself.Her phone vibrated across the bat. She looked at the phone.

_Incoming call:_

_Ville Valo_

"Fuck."

_Voicemail for the fifth time_, he thought. He was getting more worried by the minute. He decided to call Iivari, the only other person who might now where she is.

"Hei, I need your help. Ella's gone."

"What?"

"She's gone. I can't find her."

"What can I do? I have class in less than half an hour and speaking of class, why hasn't Ella shown to any of her courses? She missed the first day."

"I didn't even know she had courses lined up," Ville growled in frustration.

"Well, I don't know where she could be."

"I'm sorry to have bothered you."

Iivari mumbled something and Ville hung up.

_Where is she?_, he thought.He passed the restaurant/bar he had taken her and peered into it and scanning for anyone that might look like her. There was a lonely figure at the back of the room.

_Ella..._ Feeling relief wash over him, he walked in and sat down next to her kissing her cheek.She looked at him with lifeless eyes.After a few minutes he spoke up.

"Come on, love. Let's go... you can't drink your problems away. I know that for a fact, unfortunately."

He grabbed her by the elbow gently trying to pry her out of her seat. She wouldn't budge. She just kept looking at him coldly.

"Come on, love."

"Stop calling me that."

Her breath reeked of alcohol. She leaned in for a kiss, but he turned his cheek.

"No, love. Not like this; we need to get you home."

He finally got her to stand and with an arm wrapped around his neck, she and Ville stumbled out of the bar. When he finally reached her loft, he carried her up the stairs and put her down on her bed. She immediately flopped down.

"Come on, get up. I'll get you a pair of fresh clothes. Start getting in the shower. It'll make you feel better," he pulled her upright.

She started to take of her top absent-mindedly.

"Hei, hei. No, Ella, not now. Wait until I'm gone," he chuckled.

He pulled her shirt down only to stumble and cause him to lie on top of her. She was grinning from ear to ear and he smiled back. Before he knew it, she pulled her head up and gave him a deep kiss. Instinctively, he kissed back and after a few moments let go of her shirt. [i]_What am I doing?_ [/i] He pulled away from her abruptly.

"No," he told himself, running his hand through his hair.

She giggled.

"What's wrong? You don't want me?" she asked playfully.

"No, not if I'm taking advantage of a particular situation. This is not right. Ella, get in the shower."

She shrugged.

"Oh, well..." she said, back turned to him as she took off her top.

The shower started to run as he lay on the bed, laughing quietly, face covered with his hands.

_I can't believe this..._


	10. I'll Never Tell

She was tangled in between the sheets as she opened her eyes, once again reminding herself that she needed to buy heavy curtains. She untangled herself from the sheets and got up quickly, but fell right back down on the bed when she heard someone coming up the stairs.It was Ville She couldn't remember much of the day before, but she was pretty sure she wouldn't have asked him to spend the night.

"Could you be a little bit quieter? My head's pounding."

He sat down next to her.

"Wouldn't be surprised. You were pretty pissed last night."

She put her face in her hands and looked at him through her fingers.

"How drunk?"

He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Uh, drunk enough to kiss me... love," he chuckled as he said this.

"Oh, God..." she lay on the bed again covering her head with the pillow.

"What?" he asked.

"I kissed you... I don't know you..." she mumbled into the pillow until she peeked her head out from behind it.

"Honestly, love, it wasn't that bad. It was just a kiss," he looked directly at her.

She noticed he didn't have his shirt on.

"Are you sure?" she asked as she looked at him.

He looked at himself and crossed his arms.

"I promise."

He smiled.

"UHHHHHHHH..." she moaned.

"It's okay, love. I'll get something going in the kitchen."

"What?"

"I'm going to cook."

She raised one eyebrow in worry.

"You? Cook?"

"Yes, You learn a bit or two when you're on tour for long periods of time..." Ville said, a bit frustrated.

"Ok, Ok, I'm sorry that I doubted you..."

"It's fine, love," he said as he went down the steps.

She got up, made sure he was gone, and got dressed when the phone rang.

"I got it," she yelled.

"Hello?"

"Ella?" Martin asked nervously.

She heard angry whispering in the background.

"Yeah. Martin, is everything okay?"

"Ella, you have to come down here. Now."

"Why? What's wrong? Is it Dad?"

"TELL HER!" someone screamed.

Martin started sobbing violently.

"Ella, get over here. Please. I don't know who they are, but they want something. I don't know what they want. Dad just told me to call you. Please-"

She heard a gunshot and froze in place.

"I trust of you to be on the next flight back."

Dial tone. She dropped the phone and fainted, crumbling to the floor.

He was humming a 69 Eyes song as he got the ingredients out of the fridge when he heard a crashing sound from above. He ran up the stairs and there lay Ella unconscious on the floor. He slapped her a couple of times until she came to.

"Love, what's wrong? What's wrong? Love, speak to me."

"Martin-" she cried, "Martin!" she started sobbing hysterically.

"What, Love? Please, speak to me. What's wrong?"

"Martin's gone. My brother, he's fucking dead!"

"Oh, God..." he shuddered.

He placed her on the bed, picking up the phone, not having what clue what to do.

"I have to go," she said out of breath.

"Now?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes."

She grabbed her personal items from on top of her dresser and went down the stairs. He followed suit.

"I'll come with you."

She turned around so fast it almost gave him whiplash.

"What?"

"I'm coming," he said as he reached the couch and grabbed his jacket. Her hand was on the knob.

"No, you can't."

"I can't let you go alone. Look what happened to your brother. I'm not letting you go alone."

He approached her.

"Well, it's not like I can do anything to change your mind. Keep up," she shook her head.

She turned around to lock the door and headed down the stairs Ville following every step she made.

_Iivari was right..._

_"What is up with Ella? Why is she so wound up?" he asked on the way to pick her up before the concert._

_"She has every reason to be as wound up as she is. Don't belittle her."_

_"No, no. That is not what I meant. I'm just asking. Iivari, of all people, you should know me better."_

_"She is scared for her life and that of her family."_

_"What?"_

_"I shouldn't be saying anything, but I trust you with my life. I promised I'd never repeat these words to a living soul. Remember when I used to run errands for black market lords?"_

_"I try to forget. That was very stupid of you."_

_"I was trying to get through college. There was no other way."_

_"You could've managed us."_

_"Ville, you know I couldn't do that. Seppo's the perfect man for the job and you know it."_

_Ville scoffed._

_"Anyways, her father's involved and has had a lot of problems along the way. More specifically, stepped on big dealers in order to get ahead in the illegal weapons market. He paid for everything to send her here and me to keep watch over her. He has a lot of friends here and found this was the safest place to send her."_

_Ville was silent._

_"You shouldn't get too close to her..."_

_The problem is I already have._


	11. She's Fiery, Isn't She?

She could only think of Martin and her family the plane ride back home barely aware of Ville. She leaned against the window watching the pouring rain to try to get her mind off of what had just happened, but all her efforts seemed futile._[i] I knew I should've stayed. This would've never happened; just like if I would've kept a closer watch over mom she wouldn't have done what she did. I always put myself first and look what I get…,[/i] she thought._

_[i]The razor stung as it slid across her soft skin releasing droplets of blood. She sighed._

_She was in the backyard facing the woods. Paul was at "work" at the nearest strip joint and her mom had the day off and was roaming about the house._

_I need to talk to her... We need to go back... I miss Dad..._

_She got up, threw the razorblade into the woods, and went into the house to find her. _

_"MOM!" she yelled._

_Your voice echoed. She went into the master bedroom and noticed her knitting was on the floor and the rocking chair was moving slightly._

_"MOM!" she yelled again, louder this time._

_Where is she?_

_She looked down the hall and noticed her bedroom door was open a bit. Ella always locked her door and always carried a key. She crept slowly to the outside of her room and when she finally got the guts, she pushed the door open a bit further._

_She caught a glimpse of a foot dangling back and forth from where she stood._

_Oh, GOD._

_She opened the door completely. There was her body swinging from the ceiling fan with one of her knittings she had been working on for a number of years._

_As Ella looked on at her the last sign of life extinguished from her pale, tired green eyes._

_Her face was a deep shade of purple and body was a ghastly white. She was completely naked and her face looked distorted. Ella crumbled unto the floor and stared at her until she stopped moving back and forth._

_She went to her dresser and grabbed her savior hoping all life would drain out of her by the time Paul came home._

_Mom… [/i]_

"Hello?"

She snapped out of it.

"Huh?" she asked.

"In deep thought?"

"No, just wallowing in misery that I call my life."

He looked down.

"Sorry, I'll try to be a bit more upbeat." she gave him a thumbs-up and a fake smile.

"You don't have to do that. I know what it feels like to lose ones you love."

She looked at him with doubt.

"I have."

"Who?"

"People who have stepped all over my heart and turn into the very thing I despise."

"It's not the same," she scoffed.

"It may not be exactly the same, but it feels and is a lot similar."

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about. You didn't hear your brother get shot-"

"You don't know that's what happened-" he interrupted.

She glared at him and continued "Or actually see the life extinguish out of your mother's eyes."

She turned away from him. His eyes started to tear.

"There is no turning back from this unending path of mine

Serpentine and black it stands before my eyes

To hell

and back it will lead me once more

It's all I have as I stumble in and out of grace

I walk through the gardens of dying

light

And cross all the rivers deep and dark as the night

Searching for a reason why time would've passed us by

With

every step I take the less I know myself

Every vow I break on my way towards your heart

Countless times I've prayed for

forgiveness

But gods just laugh at my face

And this path remains

Leading me into solitude's arms

I see through the

darkness my way back home

The journey seems endless but I'll carry on

The shadows will rise and they will fall

And our

night drowns in dawn

Amidst all tears there's a smile

That all angels greet with an envious song

One look into stranger's

eyes and I know where I belong

And the path goes on..."

She glared daggers at him once more.

"Don't try to soothe me with your lyrics. What you've gone through doesn't compare to the shit I've been through."

"Yes, it does."

"Love and death are two completely different things," she hissed

"That's where you're wrong. They're one in the same. People are willing to die for true love and true love kills us a bit each day," he said quietly

He got up to go to the restroom.

When the plane arrived at JFK she really had no clue as to what to do next. What had happened kept replaying through her head over and over, not letting her think.

"Now what?" Ville asked.

"I don't know."

She looked around for a familiar face, but to no avail until she heard a sharp wolf whistle to her left. There was a bald, tall man dressed in all black with a leather coat holding a sign with her name on it. He had a scar across his face, vivid blue eyes, a chiseled jaw, and a crooked smile. She started to approach him knees turning to mush every step of the way though she didn't let it show.

"Am I right in guessing he's our man?" Ville leaned in and whispered in her ear.

"Yeah. His name's Kliment."

"How do you know him?"

"He used to give me sweets every time he would come over to have a couple of drinks with my dad and discuss business matters."

Ville stayed silent.

"Don't piss him off. He has a license to kill and is a very important man to the Russian Mafia, okay?" she said behind a fake smile.

He only nodded.

"Hello, Ella. I'm sure you remember me," he started to say as she came within hearing distance.

"Unfortunately," Ella said through gritted teeth.

He held out his hand for her to shake, but she didn't budge.

"She's fiery, isn't she?" he said to his cronies as he purposely flashed his 9 mm High-Power Browning.

Ville and Ella's eyes widened.

"Who's this pussy?" he asked as he turned around.

"Company."

By now he was circling her. Daring not to look she stared straight ahead until she felt him press the barrel against the small of her back.

"I'm guessing you both won't make this harder for me," he smiled.

"No, sir," she said sarcastically.

"I've always had a thing for you, to tell you the truth. Such passion and rage, much like your mother."

He turned Ella around gave her a deep kiss and Ville took a couple of steps forward, but the cronies held him back.

"Hei..." both cronies said flashing Ville their guns as they held him.

Ville stood there enraged.

"Well, well. Maybe he isn't that big of a pussy," Kliment chuckled.

He motioned with his head towards the exit. His cronies took Ville by the arms once again and all of you got in a black stretch limo. Once Ella got in Ville sat next to her and, not before long had a death grip on her thigh.


	12. The Loss

As she got out of the car they held Ville by the arms again and led him into the house. The house was a huge Victorian style mansion with more rooms than anyone could count and a huge backyard and front yard with the finest and most expensive landscaping anyone could afford. It represented the better half of her life which was the most important thing of all. Kliment nudged her to move forward and everybody was silent.

Once in the house he started to bind Ville and Ella's hands. She could only look back and say.

"What? Afraid of me?"

He smiled.

"No, it's just more pleasing this way."

She scoffed.

"Don't push it. I like you, but I only like you enough to fuck you not spare your life."

He nudged her forward again and she stayed quiet until reaching the living room.

"DAD!" she cried out as she ran over toward him, but something made her trip.

It was Martin's body lying on the floor with the phone still in hand and brains splattered everywhere. She got as far away from it as she could. She began to cry and felt like her stomach was in her throat. Kliment stepped over the body as if it were some sort of decorative rug not to be tainted with footsteps.

"Why don't you say 'Hi' to your brother? It's very rude of you," he said as he looked down on her.

She looked back at him with all the hate and loathing she could muster.

"Sit on the couch by your beloved boyfriend and don't say one word to your father."

Her dad looked at her with pleading eyes as he sat motionless on his recliner to the side of her. Ella did as she was told and Ville grabbed her hand immediately.

"Ok. I'd like to welcome you to your own home and ..."

He looked at Ville.

"Ville Valo."

"And Mr. Valo. I'm sorry you are unfortunate enough to be involved with this, but I'm guessing that was your choice trying to be the knight in shining armor, which I don't blame you for because she is one hot piece of ass."

Ville looked infuriated.

"Don't be angry. I was just complimenting her and, most importantly, you don't want to make the man with the gun angry, but back to business," Kiment clapped his hands.

He turned slightly to face Ella.

"Tell me of the day you found your mother; when she had already hung herself in your room."

She tried to make it as brief as possible.

"She just hung there, swinging back and forth until she stopped. Then I noticed she had hung herself with one of her knitting that she had been working on for a couple of years."

He looked at her wanting more detail.

"You sure nothing else happened?"

"Well, yeah. I slit my wrists, but as you can see I'm still here."

"You better not be lying, old man," he whispered menacingly to her father.

"Lying about what?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Did your mother ever give you anything special?"

Something popped into her head: the key that hung around her neck right now. She always wore it on a long chain. Never taking it off. She almost grabbed at her neck, but fought her instincts to.

_[i]She gave it to me a couple of days before she committed suicide. I've always wondered what it opened,[/i] _she thought.

_[i]"Always have this with you. Never lose it, okay? It's very important to me and your father... a way of you to remember us if anything ever goes wrong..."_

_She stroked your face._

_"I love you, Ella and I always will no matter where I am." [/i]_

"No. What the hell are you talking about?"

"You sure?"

She suddenly remembered that she always did carry something special of her mother's, but it wasn't the key.

"Well, there is this."

She handed him a white handkerchief that had her mom's initials on it. That sold him. She congratulated herself for her quick thinking. He got his cell phone out of the inside pocket of his jacket.

"Boss. Everything checks out the old man and the girl were telling the truth."

He hung up the phone and hung his head low.

"You guys are the luckiest people on this planet. My boss said to spare your lives."

He and his cronies got up and simply left without another word.

"Ella..." her dad wheezed.

"Ville, could you untie me?" she asked when you kneeled on the floor in front of your dad.

"Ella, my beautiful Ella. How much you've grown."

He stroked her face, but his hands were ice cold. She gasped at this.

"What's wrong, Dad?"

"They... they stabbed me..." he smiled weakly.

"What?"

He removed his other hand from his stomach and moaned.

"NO, DAD! Keep pressure on it. Everything's gonna be all right," she said as she applied pressure to the wound.

"I'll call an ambulance," Ville said as he took out his cell phone.

"NO!" her dad tried to yell.

"But Dad we have to. You're the only person I have left. I don't want to lose you. I've already lost Mom and Martin," she cried as she put her head on his lap.

Part of her face was stained with blood, but she didn't care.

"Please, Dad, don't leave me... Please..."

"Ella, listen to me. I don't-have... much time left..."

She looked up at him.

"The key, Ella. The key. It's to multiple Swiss safety deposit boxes where I keep all my profits and some weapons... That's all for you..."

She looked at the key that hung around her neck.

"I want you to live life to the fullest without holding back. Forgive me," he took a sharp breath in. "Inside... breast pocket... address... I-love..."

He took his one last gasping breath and his eyes glossed over, never finishing what he was going to say.

"DAD! NO! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" she screamed into his lap punching the floor.


	13. Torn Apart

She screamed shrilly. Pounding on the floor and her father's chest, not caring as the blood spurted and stained her face. Ville tried to put his arms around her to pull her away.

"GET OFF OF ME!! DAD, PLEASE, PL-" she broke into a fit of tears.

She escaped his grip and hopelessly tried to give CPR to her father's lifeless corpse. The tears stained her bloodied face. She curled up into a ball on the floor after a while and began to rock back and forth. He didn't know how to comfort her.

She stayed on the floor for more than half an hour rocking back and forth until she physically couldn't anymore. Ville sat beside her, completely immovable. She felt a pang of guilt as she looked into his eyes for bringing him here.

"I'm sorry," she managed to say after a couple of minutes.

"What?" he asked quietly.

"I'm sorry," you repeated.

He scooted closer to her.

"There's no need for apologies, love," he said as he stroked her bloodied face.

"Yes, there is. I brought you here, into all of this. I shouldn't have. You are a stranger to me. I shouldn't have brought you..." she looked into his eyes.

He sat quietly.

"I chose to come here," he said in a whisper. "You don't need to apologize for anything. I came because I care for you, not because you forced me to."

"Look at me. I'm pathetic. I'm fucked up. You don't wanna befriend the monstrosity that is me. I destroy people," she said bitterly.

He propped himself on his knees and stood up. Honestly, he was just as shell-shocked as she was and had no idea what to do next. The closest thing to a loss that he'd ever had was that of his dog. Never once in his life had he witnessed death this raw and unrelenting. He wanted to scream and yell, run away from all this chaos and felt pathetic.

Compared to all the pain she has gone through he had no reason to be depressed or feel sorry for himself. As she looked at Ville with those lifeless eyes though, he knew she needed someone there for her and didn't give into the urge to get away from all of this as fast as he possibly could.

"That's what love does, darling," he said as he held out his hand to her cursing inwardly because he could not find more suitable words.

She took his hand and looked down at the floor. He enveloped her and let her drench his shoulder with her tears. After a couple of minutes the tears subsided.

"What are we gonna do about the Swiss Bank account thing?" she asked shakily.

"What?"

"The key."

"Oh, well… I suppose we could fly to your loft first and then go. You need to calm down. I know this is horrible for you, but you need to settle yourself and get washed up. You have blood all over you."

They both cleaned themselves up as best they could.

"Okay..." she said.

"Come on. Let's go."

He ushered her trembling frame out of the house, but not before she said one last thing.

"I can't just leave them like that," she said somberly looking back at the house.

"He didn't want police involved," he said simply.

Truth was he felt the same way. Leaving them there live that felt wrong.

"I will not get Kliment get away with this. Give me your cell," she said rubbing her eyes.

He searched his pockets frantically until his trembling, clumsy hands found the phone. She grabbed it immediately and dialed furiously. She stood like a statue, not a hint of emotion spread across her face.

"Who're you calling, darling?"

"A family friend. He'll take care of this. Make sure they're put to rest and given a proper bu-" she immediately cut off. "Commissioner, hi, it's me, Ella. Something, something has happened-" she tried to smile, at times of tragedy she still had the gall to smile.

She walked away speaking hurriedly into the phone, but Ville dared not get close to her. Iivari was right. She was dangerous. As he watched her he slowly realized he had almost lost his life, but it didn't bother him. Any sane person would be halfway across the world to trying to get away from her and her world, but he were anything but sane.

From Helsinki's airport they took a taxi to the loft. She was as distant as ever.

"Are you gonna be okay, love?" he asked caressing her face.

She pulled away.

"Get off of me."

He slunk back into your seat. When they arrived at the apartment building, she entered her room without saying another word. She slammed the door in his face before he could get one foot in the door so he slowly went up to his loft.

She took off her clothes on her way to the bedroom and left them strewn on the floor. She threw the key on the kitchen counter and then stood in front of her dresser for a long time until she opened the drawer and she took out her stainless steel coping tool, putting it against her skin.

_[i]Old habits die hard. [/i]_


	14. Live Free or Die Trying

She woke up in daze and all the stuff that had happened came rushing back, drowning her in sorrow. The self mutilation only magnified the pain this time, it didn't inhibit it. Everyone was gone and there was nothing she could do about it. Images of her stepfather kept popping up in her head.

She managed to dress herself. As she headed down towards the kitchen she took the key from the counter and threw it across the room with all the might she could muster. Ella saw the remnants of what Ville was attempting to cook that night. It was the Finnish-style pancakes. She was beginning to clean it up when there was a light knock on the door.

She unlocked the door and walked away.

"Come in..." she yelled to whomever.

It could've been some infamous Finnish serial killer or Britney Spears. At this point, what was the point of caring? She bent to clean the food with her bare hands just as another pair of hands clasped hers. Of course, it was Ville. She looked up at him with empty, lifeless eyes. He might as well not have been there. He looked at her, then down at her arms expecting the worst.

"You really need help. This is ridiculous. You're being really selfish. It's really hurting my heart."

"At least you feel like you have one," she said in a robotic voice.

"Stop talking such nonsense. You go on upstairs and wash up. I'll take care of this. After all, I'm the one who made the mess. I'll be up in a second."

She moved like a ghost. He could feel and see that she had hit absolute rock bottom. Everything that was happening to her was straight out of a horror movie. He finished cleaning up the kitchen and then headed upstairs. He knocked politely on the bathroom door. The shower was running as he stepped in. She was just lying in the tub letting the water cover her body making no attempt to clean herself. The dried blood on her body came back to life slithering down and into the drain. She stared directly in front of her not even acknowledging he was there.

Instinctively, he bent down, rolled his sleeves up, and started washing her with the lathered cloth. She still didn't acknowledge him, not caring that he saw her naked and nevertheless washing her. Her being naked wasn't important. Sex was not on his mind. Ville couldn't help but notice the faded, but clearly visible scars all over her body; on her upper thighs, hips, stomach. Those horrendous things were everywhere. A big knot was in his throat. He sheepishly touched some of the scars as he stroked her hair.

"Why, Ella, why? I don't understand..." he was now washing the dried blood off of the recent scars.

He could not help but ask. She did not answer. He washed and rinsed her, then turned off the faucet. She was like one big rag doll. He put a towel around her and laid her on the bed. It was clear that she was in no state to do anything for herself.

Random images popped into her head and she couldn't stop them. She felt like she was out of her body, just watching everything that was happening before her. His question kept repeating inside her head, but she couldn't think of speaking right now. No thought of embarrassment or shame arose in you as he rummaged through her clothes and put them on her. Finally, he was finished and he lay beside her just touching the scars with a hint of sadness and confusion in his eyes.

"Because I want to live free or die trying..." she managed to say in the smallest voice.

She was suddenly back in her body. Little tears were beginning to well up in her eyes and were sliding down the sides of her face. He propped his head up with his hand looking at her sideways.

"What's that?" he asked while still caressing her scars.

"You asked why. Well, because I want to live free of the emotional pain my life has put me through or die trying."

"You're still in pain when you do that. It's obviously not the solution."

"I want to be in control of the pain."

"What you're doing is showing me that you're not in control of anything. You're letting your emotions take control of your life, love. You're not in control of anything."

Everything he was saying was true. What was she in control of? Absolutely nothing and that's something she has to learn in life. Not one person is ever in control of everything around them. If it were true, then everybody's life would be as they wished it to be. She couldn't control the fact that her father was in a shady business and put his life at risk, she couldn't have prevented what happened to her mom or Martin. The last thing her mom would have wanted was for her to follow in her footsteps. Her mom's feelings took control of her and she did the most selfish thing a person could ever do.

She left Ella to fend for yourself. The worst thing a mother can do is abandon her child for her own selfish reasons. Ella didn't want to end up like her.

"I know I'm wrong..." she admitted in defeat.

"I'm glad you're beginning to see that. Could you promise me something?"

She looked at him.

"Whenever you feel bad in any way, please, call me. Anywhere, anytime. I want to help."

She nodded and laced her fingers with his raising her arm to look at both of their arms locked together. She chuckled slightly.

"Oh, now you're laughing? I really don't get how you work," he smiled his smile with a hint of sadness still.

"I was just thinking."

"Thinking what exactly?"

"I guess all this crap we've been through makes us a sort-of, weird couple. Even if it has just been less than-"

He frowned slightly, but smiled again.

"Time isn't important," he kissed her hand. "I can't believe you're just beginning to figure that out, love. Do you see Jonna anywhere?"

"I guess not."

_[b]~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ [/b]_

"I guess all this crap we've been through makes us a sort-of, weird couple. Even if it has just been less than-"

"Time isn't important," he said. "I can't believe you're just beginning to figure that out, love. Do you see Jonna anywhere?"

"I guess not."

The feedback on the microphone in his ear was a little difficult to sift through, but he managed to hear the conversation.

He took a drink and motioned the bartender for another shot.

"Got anything?" someone asked him in a gruff voice.

"No, just love bullshit."

"Well, he's expecting something soon. This girl knows something and he wants to know what. It's your precious life on the line."

"I know," he said with a bit of an edge. "You think I'd bug her house if I didn't expect to get anything out of it?"

"Well, you're pretty new to this business. Don't think too highly of yourself. It could get you killed."

"Oh, fuck off and go tell your boss I'll get him what he wants."

The man left the bar and put up his collar as he stepped out into the rain.

_[b]~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ [/b]_

"Let's change the scenery a bit. Why don't we go up to my loft?" Ville asked.

"Won't the guys mind?" Ella asked.

"They're not there tonight," he said as lifted her off the bed.

He carried her in his arms and looked directly into her eyes.

"You're so beautiful, my darling..."

"Tsk-tsk, Mr. Valo..."

"What?" he smiled.

"You shouldn't try to woo me with song lyrics. I already know your every line."

"I guess you caught me."

When they finally got to the loft, he let her down then unlocked the door. She walked in and immediately turned around to look at him.

"So what do you feel like doing?" she asked.

"It's your choice."

She fell back on the couch. It was obvious to him what she wanted. As he leaned in to kiss her he realized something and chuckled. She opened her eyes looking puzzled, but amused.

"What is it? I don't think this is the most appropriate time to laugh."

"I just realized how horribly I dressed you."

"It's not going to matter one way or the other," she raised her eyebrows.

His lips finally met hers; the sweetest, softest lips he could ever hope to kiss. She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him even more deeply.

"I love you," Ville managed to say in between kisses.

She managed to mutter something back.


	15. Bad Timing

"What did you say?" Ville asked as he pulled away.

"No, you don't love me. Only a fool would say that," she said seriously.

"Well, maybe I am one. I mean, have you heard any of my lyrics?"

As soon as he asked that question her demeanor changed.

"This isn't right," she whispered.

He felt a coldness come over him. She was right. He was only trying to comfort her with kisses. He wasn't in love with her, but in love with her tragic beauty and obsessed with trying to fix it. He always rushed into things and this was no exception.

"You're right, love."

"I am?"

"Yes, I feel this is inappropriate as well,"

Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door. The boys, plus an extra special boy came in as well.

"Wille!"

Bam rushed to hug Ville and rushed to tell him of his latest adventures. He could hear her gathering up her clothes. She slipped right past the guys and left, leaving Linde and the boys hanging as they tried to say 'hi'. Ville pushed Bam away from him.

"You couldn't have come at a worse time."

"Oh, my bad, were you gonna go on a conquest with that chick? Didn't mean to cockblock an old friend."

"No, Bam. Now if you'll please excuse me. I'm sure you guys can have fun without me."

He went after her, not exactly knowing why. After all, she had just rejected him and he had as well. Ville stopped in mid-step then headed back to his loft more confused than he originally was.[i] _A little drink wouldn't hurt_[/I], he thought.

She was on the verge of tears because of her stupidity, but it was a relief that she now had no feelings to hurt herself. Maybe just being with him for the past few days changed that and that's one thing she could be thankful for. She knew in her heart of hearts that she couldn't stand to see another person get hurt. Ella knew that he had only sad those three words in the heat of the moment. Who wouldn't?

She had to get out of there and had to get out fast. She packed a few clothes in a backpack, picked up the key on the way out, and headed out the door.

Once on the plane, she knew what her father wanted her to do. It had to do something with his dealings. This key could possibly the key that would lead to her death, but as of this moment she didn't care. She wanted to fulfill her father's dying wish so that he would rest in peace.

As bad as she resented her father for what he had done and what he had unknowingly caused after she moved out with her mom, she still loved him because no matter where she was they always kept in touch.

"We will be landing shortly in Geneva, Switzerland. Passengers, please fasten your seatbelts."

Ville sat down on the couch thinking about what had happened in a matter of minutes.

[i]_Why does everything have to be so difficult? Why did she make me realize those words were a bluff?_ [/i] he thought to himself.He did as he promised himself and had a "little drink". He weren't completely smashed. Maybe she had changed that in him: Ville the borderline-depressed alcoholic, no more.

Bam and the guys were all in a total drunken stupor; destroying everything that came into their line of sight. He came and sat down next to Ville.

"Ville, what the hell is this?" he asked as she showed him a razorblade with crusted blood in his hand._._

"I don't know," he lied as he tried to take it from him.

He didn't buy it.

"Don't identify too much with your little fans," he teased.

Ville's eyes flashed with anger.

"Stop being such a little cunt. You'll never know what some people go through in their lives. You've never had a bad life and never will."

He stared at Ville in shock as he finished his rant. Rare was the time Ville blew up in anyone's face. The room was unusually silent as he finished saying it. In his anger, Ville snatched the razor from his hand; big mistake. Almost immediately his hand started bleeding profusely. Ville cursed and ran to the bathroom attempting to put a tourniquet on it.

[i]_I can't believe Bam would stoop down that low. Treating self-mutilation as a joke. He wouldn't know what a hard life is even if it bit him in the ass,_ [/i] he thought bitterly.

Everyone was looking in the doorway, making sure Ville was ok, but still shocked at his outburst nonetheless.

"I'm sorry, Ville. That was very stupid of me to say. Had a little too much to drink..." Bam said.

Ville's anger had subsided only to be replaced by shame and guilt.

He chuckled.

"How come you apologize to me so easily, but refuse to for anyone else? You know, I could tell everyone what a pussy you really are."

He kept putting pressure on the wound.

"If you ever tell a living soul that I'm really a decent human being, asshole, I swear on Ape that you'll regret it for the rest of your life," he joked.

She had found the address inscribed on the key itself and showed it to the taxi driver. Opening this box that now lay in front of her may be very much like opening Pandora's box. She laughed at the thought.

[i]_How much worse could it get?_ [/i]

Inside the box there was a note. It was definitely her father's writing.

[i]_My dear, precious Ella,_

_If you are reading this it means the past has finally come and claimed me. I am truly sorry for the actions that I took. It was very foolish of me to get into this type of business, but was the only way I ever knew. Hopefully what I have left behind will mend a little bit your broken heart. I'm sorry, love. I must also warn you that you may still be in danger. Get to the States as soon as possible. All they want is for me not to interrupt their dealings in Europe and well I won't be doing that anytime soon. Mail half of the bank certificates to Kliment. His boss will be happy and have no reason to harass you anymore. Good luck, my darling. Know that I am in your heart every step of the way._

_With much love and adoration and forever your father,_

_Edward_[/i]

She took a breath in as she realized how much money he had left behind and did as she were told. She talked to the teller and gave him the detailed instructions with bank account information and various other things knowing that it would be all taken care of. She left the bank with a renewed sense of hope and lease on life, for now, at least. Just knowing she had fulfilled her father's wishes was just enough to make the pain subside.


	16. Three Words

She felt absolutely and completely hollow. She had been a fool to think everything would be okay once she left the States and even more of a fool to get attached to another human being. He was lovely, absolutely gorgeous, inside and out, she had convinced herself, but she couldn't fool herself anymore. Time and time again she used this method of escape from reality; enamoring herself with another human being just so that she could forget about all of her troubles. It wasn't working anymore. She wanted to yell at the top of her lungs, scream until her throat was raw, until she had no voice.

She couldn't hide from anything anymore. Pictures of Martin, her mom, Paul, and Dad kept flashing through her head. It was endless and achingly detailed. Sometimes she found that she couldn't even wake herself from the nightmares. Fear itself literally paralyzing her every limb. At some point when back in Helsinki she had called Iivari and told him to drop all her classes. University was pointless, living life had no purpose; she couldn't function. She'd go back whenever she got to normal, whatever 'normal' was.

Her fascination with mortuary science was greatly diminished by the reoccurring nightmares. Every dead body she saw would only remind her of what she had lost. To think she thought of killing herself when her mom left for Cincinnati was laughable; so trivial compared to everything else that had happened since then. Every action she took was a fleeting moment in time and she liked it that way. She loved not remembering. There was a knock on her door, bringing her out of her dream state, but only for a second only to return to whatever she happened to be doing.

He kept knocking on her door, but it did not open. Every day since he had his 'little drink' he knocked on her door. That was months ago now. No answer although he knew she was in there. He just wanted to make sure she was okay. He took off his toque and ran a hand through his hair out of pure frustration. He didn't know where to turn. Ever since she said those words that night they haunted him because they rang true. She had knocked him off cloud nine with one single phrase. Romanticism had somehow become an escape and so much a part of him and she crushed it. He wasn't sure whether to thank her or hate her for it.

They'd be gone in a couple of weeks, off to record in L.A. for 'Screamworks'. He wanted to see her before he left, just once, but that was looking more and more impossible each day he knocked on that door. He put his ear against it and sure enough he could hear her moving about. Feeling slightly relieved, he pulled away from the door and headed back upstairs. He had about eleven or so songs written, finding solace in every word he wrote.

She looked about in the kitchen, trying to find something she could eat. Her stomach felt like it was gnawing on itself. She calmly looked in the kitchen, the pantry, the fridge, but there was no food to be found. She couldn't have possibly have eaten it all. What she feared the most eventually crossed her mind. She had to step outside, she had to buy food. Take-away wasn't an option. She didn't have internet access and she couldn't call. There were no menus in the loft. How she'd let this happen, she had no idea. Even more of a problem was the fact that even if she did step outside eventually she didn't know where anything was, so she'd have to wander like a ghost around Helsinki.

She could always not eat. That was always an option. Part of her wondered what that would feel like, starving to death. Although mildly interested in finding out, she put one foot out the door and left finding it easier to breathe and think with every step she took.

Ville's mobile rang off in the distance. He put down the acoustic guitar and went off into the bedroom. Linde would call every now and again to check up on him, making sure he was still alive.

"Hei," he answered unenthusiastically.

"Where are you right now?" Linde asked, shocking Ville with his outburst of so many words.

He immediately sat up on the bed. This must be important.

"In the flat. Why? What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"I'm not sure if it's something that's 'wrong', per se, but I just saw her," Linde said uneasily. "I tried calling out to her, but she didn't hear me."

"Where are you right now?" Ville asked as he stepped out his door.

Linde told him and give him a rough idea of what direction she was headed.

"I'll be right there."

He walked around the city centre constantly on the lookout. It was times like these he wished he owned a car. He tried to put himself in her shoes and think of a reason she might leave her flat after purposely confining herself in there for so long. The only sane and mundane reason he could come up with was food. He searched the market and drugstores, but it was all fruitless. She was nowhere in sight.

For one moment joy filled his heart at the thought of seeing her, but it was soon crushed. He walked back to the flat with downcast eyes, knocking into other people, but not really caring.

She headed back to the flat with as many groceries as she could carry, struggling every step of the way until she finally reached her floor. She set down the bags a bit more loudly than she intended. She didn't want to wake the neighbours, attention was the last thing she needed. She just wanted to get back in the flat and settle her stomach. She fumbled with the keys and froze as she heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

He froze mid-step as he turned the corner, but walked toward her as he gathered his thoughts.

"Hello, love," he said in a barely audible whisper.

She stood rooted to the spot. This was exactly what she was hoping wouldn't happen. Life tended to be cruel at times and this was one of the moments. She not only isolated herself to try to forget about her family, but about him as well. He said those three words that made her terribly mortified. She couldn't possibly forget those words, but not seeing his face sure softened their impact even if they were only said in a moment of lust. He reached from behind her and took the keys from her hand, quickly unlocking the door.

He ushered her in, grabbed the bags, and locked the door.

"This is why I hate locking doors," she said venomously, but he simply just shook his head and ignored the comment.

She stood by as he put away the groceries. When he finished he grabbed some things from the fridge and turned out the stove, preparing to make a meal. He went about it as if it were his own house, not turning around once. He turned around and held out a plate. She didn't take it.

"Eat," he said simply.

She crossed her arms.

"Eat," he repeated. "I know you must be starving. You wouldn't have left the flat otherwise."

She made no intention of moving. He sighed and put the plate down for a second.

"Alright, if this is how you want it to be, love," he said as he grabbed her by the shoulders and made her sit down at the dining table.

He grabbed the plate and put it in front of her along with some utensils. She couldn't believe his nerve. She wasn't defenseless. She could cook for herself, she could put away the groceries, and she could've unlocked the door. She wasn't some fragile ornament.

"Don't make me put it in the blender," he threatened.

He walked away and made his way to the living room, picking up trash and straightening things up. She couldn't say anything and only managed to stare daggers at his back.

"Love, eat. You know I will do it if I have to," he said over his shoulder.

She knew he wasn't joking and with that started eating still thinking of every possible insult she could hurl at him when she was finished. When he was done cleaning the living room, he sat down opposite her and made sure she ate everything. She ate slowly frequently giving him death glares and sometimes opening her mouth to say something, but she never did. When she was finished, he put the plate in the sink and sat back down. She leaned against the back of the chair and crossed her arms.

"You ever going to speak to me again?" he asked.

She didn't answer, only glared.

"I don't get even one 'thank you'?"

She fidgeted in her seat and broke their gaze. He looked away as well trying not to let how he felt show.

"Alright, love. I see you're still not ready," he said as he got up from the table and walked toward the door. "But know whenever you need me, sweetheart, I'm only a phone call or flight of stairs away."

She looked after him.

"Wait!" she yelled before she could stop herself.

He turned around and looked at her. She struggled to find the right words.

"I—" she got up from the chair and walked over to him. "I wanted to say—"

He looked down at her, staying silent, allowing her to finish saying whatever it was she found so hard to say.

"I—" her face scrunched up in frustration and let out a long sigh. "I thank you."

She hugged him tightly and he did the same. For some reason those three words felt wrong, but he kept that to himself.


	17. Unspoken

They finally broke apart and Ville held her at an arm's length. She could only look down at the floor. What was wrong with her? Here he was even after completely cutting him off. Any other person would've stepped out and left her to fend for herself. More importantly, what was wrong with him? Did his lyrics really embody who he was in real life or were they a farce; a gimmick to make fans swoon? So far, that hadn't proven to be the case. She hated her doubts.

Ella wished she could voice her thoughts out loud; make them known, but how could she possibly when she wasn't sure of it herself. She wasn't sure of anything anymore. The haunting lyrics had captivated her for the last eight years of her life. She loved what they represented and wished every day of her life that she'd meet the genius behind the madness. It would complete her; make her whole and sane and everything okay again, but here she stood more confused and broken than ever. Here was the genius and there was still madness. Was it possible to love the man behind the lyrics even though he was still a complete stranger? A kind, loving, caring, unrelenting, beautiful person, but a stranger nonetheless.

Who was to say he wasn't just pulling her strings. That he was just as lost as her, desperately trying to grab onto something to keep from going stark, raving mad. She wasn't sure how she felt about possibly being his 'something'. Was grabbing onto something for the sake of sanity 'love'? She wanted to yell those three words, but they felt wrong, out of place. Those words would only further complicate things and she really didn't need anything more on her plate.

He still held her at arm's length, looking down at her waiting for her to speak. He could wait forever. He had nowhere to be. The writing, the music, everything could wait. He would put everything off just for her. It was sad to know that he had lost his faith in love yet here he was, setting himself up to get hurt again. If anything, it'd make great lyrics for the album. Love in theory and love in practice were two completely different things.

In theory, he would just come out and say it. Say those three magical, yet cursed words. He'd say it a million times over. He'd say it in between every kiss and every touch and every moment of his waking life to her, this beautiful stranger who captured and breathed life into his heart, but that was all in theory. This moment, his frustration, his anxiety and anger at himself for not saying anything was beautifully cruel love in practice. His doubts and fears inhibited the fruition of the theory. So there he stood. So close yet so far from jumping off of a proverbial cliff. He was able to touch her even though her mind and her heart were a million miles away. It was torture.

There was nothing she could do. These thoughts and dreams and hopes were fixed to stay that way. She appreciated his company and his kind words and unwavering support, but she decided to lock those dreams and just move on. Move on with her life. She couldn't hide from it anymore. She wouldn't run from everything including him. The fact that he cared was good enough for her. She looked up at him and hugged him tightly again knocking him into the wall slightly. Warmth radiated throughout his entire body and he smiled brightly, resting his chin on top of her head. This was enough for now. He could survive with this.

"How about a nice walk around the city centre?" he asked. "I know what being cooped up feels like. You must be dying to stretch your legs."

"Sounds perfect," she murmured into his jacket. "Let me make myself halfway decent."

She stepped away from him and started walking towards her bedroom. He found himself following her before he could give it much thought. She turned around and smiled stopping him in his tracks.

"I'll be fine," she assured him. "I don't need help getting dressed. We know how much of a disaster that was before. Just sit down, have a smoke and I'll be right down."

He shifted the weight on his feet and took out a cigarette.

"Alright, love," he mumbled as he grinned cigarette in mouth.

She ran up the stairs and picked out anything that would make her as unremarkable as possible. Content with a black sweater and black skinny jeans, she headed downstairs to a pacing Ville. He looked at her and smiled as he put out the cigarette on the ashtray next to him. She really hoped he wouldn't start treating her like china, but after everything that had happened she could forgive him. It was understandable. He was pointing at her then back at himself.

"We match," he said brightly. "Shoes and all."

She was wearing her black, high top Converse.

"Mr. Valo, you are a man of impeccable taste."

He held out his arm for her to hold and she readily took it. They walked to the city centre and settled on a café, sitting outside, sipping on their coffees. She reached inside her purse and took out her bug-eye glasses.

"Ahh, wonderful shade…" she sighed as she leaned back in her chair.

He rummaged through his jacket pocket and took out similar sunglasses. Smiling he put them on.

"Hey! Stop copying me," she pouted.

"What?" he asked, shrugging his shoulders.

Bam couldn't help but laugh as he looked on. The two looked so peaceful. That was simply not acceptable. It was his calling in life to bring misery to others. Hugs and kisses were such a boring way to greet people especially Ville. He had to admit he felt a little hurt. Ville had cooped himself up in his flat for the past few months not taking his calls so he definitely deserved what he had in store.

"Random Hero, the bucket," he said over his shoulder.

"Yes, sir," Dunn replied. "Should I get another for his girl?"

"That's genius!" Bam did his little airwave.

Dunn stayed crouched down beside him. Bam turned around to face him.

"What the hell you waiting for dumb-ass? Go get it."

"Oh, right."

Dunn ran to the nearest restaurant.

"Jiminy Christmas! Why do I surround myself with fucking morons?"


	18. Bam

Her laugh came to her so easily, so effortlessly. In those brief moments he was removed from reality and enveloped in her charm. She took another sip of her coffee. Ville managed to look away and take a drag of his cigarette. This was all surreal to him. It was as if he had seen her every day since that last night. It was a huge relief to him; knowing that she was safe. He couldn't help but think it was all a front; all of her smiling and laughing and good spirits. He knew he wasn't the only one good at masking his true feelings.

"You ok, love?"

"Yeah. Sure. Why would you ask that? I'm fine," she answered automatically.

"Well, you've shut yourself in your flat for the past couple of months. I believe that to be a reason for me to ask if you're well."

She looked off to the distance.

"It's what I do," she shrugged her shoulders.

"Does it work?"

"I'm alive, aren't I?" she said as she put her hand over his. "Let's change the subject. That's the past. I don't like dwelling on the past."

He didn't press her further. She'd talk when she was ready. Everything took its time. He simply nodded and smiled.

"So what do you want to talk about?"

She shrieked and her eyes opened wide as she pointed behind him. Ice cold water drenched him completely as he turned around. He wiped the water from his face to find Bam smiling down at him, bucket in hand.

"Long time no see, Wille Walo!"

Ella broke into fits of laughter at the other end of the table.

"You look like a drowned raccoon!" she managed to say in between laughs.

Ville only smiled. He looked behind Bam and saw Dunn with his own bucket of water. He already knew what he planned to do. As she laughed uncontrollably Dunn wormed his way behind her. Ville's smile only grew wider. In a flash, she was just as drenched as he. She screeched and wiped her hair from her face. She turned around and saw Dunn with the bucket hidden behind his back.

"Hello, I'm Dunn," he held out his hand for her to shake.

She smirked and turned around.

"Care to explain?" she asked venomously, eyes on Bam.

"Mr. Brooding Rockstar here has been ignoring me for the past few months," he shrugged his shoulders. "I just came by to say 'hello'."

"That still doesn't explain why I'm drenched,"

"You're the—"

Ville put a hand to Bam's mouth.

"Shut it, BamBam," Ville said as he got up, hand still on his mouth. "Let's go change, before we get pneumonia."

He took her hand in his and pulled her away as fast as he could from Bam. The last thing he needed was for Bam to exacerbate the situation by making it awkward for both him and Ella. Bam seemed to have a talent for that. As stupid and thick he could be at times when it came to people he was eerily perceptive. That mixed with his tendency to be brutally honest made him the jackass he was.

"Don't think you're getting away that easily! I know where you live, dickhead!" Bam yelled after him.

Ville hailed a cab and ushered her inside, quickly following behind. She began to strain her hair, not caring that the driver glared at her. Ville said a few quick words to the driver and held her hands.

"Wait until we're home," he whispered.

"But I hate being wet," she whined.

He raised an eyebrow.

"What?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing," Ville blushed.

"Oh, come on," she smiled. "I know you're thinking something."

"Trust me, you don't want to know. It's simply boyish humor," he smiled.

A knowing grin spread across her face.

"Yeah, that is something better left unsaid," she tapped the side of his face lightly.

They arrived at the loft shortly. She ran up to the bedroom dragging him along with her and began rifling through her dresser. He didn't dare to sit down for fear of getting her sheets wet. She finally found an outfit to her satisfaction and dashed to the bathroom, peeking her head out of the doorframe.

"Why don't you go and get changed? Are you that scared of him?"

Ville hung his head in shame and nodded his head.

"Aw, that's ok. You can look through my clothes and pick something out. We're about the same size."

She closed the door and left Ville to pick for himself. He walked over to the dresser and opened the first drawer only to find himself quickly shutting it. He had found her underwear drawer. To witness such personal and private garments rattled him for a quick second. He took a deep breath and laughed quietly. No matter how much he wanted to distance himself from her here he was again in a potentially compromising situation. He rifled through her drawers purposefully avoiding the first and picked out a simple t-shirt and jeans to wear. He had never seen such a plain wardrobe. She wasn't much for colors and over-the-top style. He waited patiently by the bathroom door. After a couple of minutes she finally stepped out.

"There," she said as she put down the towel. "Just hang your wet clothes on the towel rack. I'll put it in the dryer after you're out."

"Thanks, love."

She smiled brightly as he stepped into the bathroom door closing quietly behind him. She was still fuming about what had happened. She couldn't believe the gall of those two and what bothered her even more was the enigma that was Ville and Bam's friendship. They were polar opposites. Ville was so insightful and caring while Bam was brazen and, from what she had seen of him on television, jaded. If that was the last time she saw him she'd be completely content with that. She plopped down on her bed and waited for him to finish. Because of what Bam had done here they were in the same situation; one that she was desperately trying to avoid. She have to confront it sooner or later, preferably later rather than sooner. She could keep avoiding it just a bit more if she played her cards right. He stepped out of the bathroom drying his hair.

"Finally. Jeez," she huffed. "What now?"

"I have no idea," he looked around. "We always seem to end up here."

"Tell me about it."

His eyes light up as he looked to the corner of the room.

"You play?" he asked excitedly.

"A bit. Nothing spectacular."

"Well, since we're cooped up in here until further notice would you like to hear some of the songs I've been working on?"

"Will it terribly depress me?"

"No, of course not," he half lied.

He'd have to be careful which songs to show her. Her face brightened and she patted on the spot next to her.

"I'd love to hear some."


	19. Reintroductions

He sat at the edge of the bed, guitar in hand strumming effortlessly and he began to sing. Ella sat on the floor in front of him, mesmerized by his every action. The lyrics were hauntingly beautiful and oddly familiar. She couldn't place why she felt so connected to something she'd never heard before. Maybe it was the way every type of feeling radiated through his body, the way he lost himself in the music, the way he bellowed out certain parts of the song with such passion and quiet rage. His green eyes shone with every lyric and strum of the guitar. He moved from song to song seamlessly not even stopping to gauge her reaction. Time seemed to be at a stand-still and only his voice penetrated her ears like it had done on so many sleepless nights.

She wanted to show him her appreciation for such beautiful music. It had gotten her through so much. It was the reason she was still here today. She wanted to kiss his face repeatedly until she wept from exhaustion and gratitude. He strummed the last chord and finally looked up at her, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. She sat there at a loss for words and felt dumber with each passing minute. He simply smiled waiting patiently for her response. She either really liked it or absolutely abhorred it and is deeply scarred, he surmised. She finally smiled and looked up at him. He put the guitar to the side and smiled back.

"So what did you think? Like it?" he asked in a small voice.

She opened and closed her mouth several times, but nothing came to mind. She was truly dumbstruck. She opened her mouth one more time before jumping up and crushing him in a hug that knocked him backwards. He laughed at the gesture, hugging her more tightly. Her small frame fit with every contour of his. She raised her head and looked at him for a moment before kissing him lightly on the cheek. A grin spread across his face and before he could return the gesture she broke away from his grasp. He sat up, smile still plastered on his face.

"I'm guessing that means you like it," Ville said brightly.

She nodded and clasped his wrist, slightly pulling him. He got up and followed her. When she got downstairs, she pushed him down on a dining chair and headed off to the kitchen. Soon all kinds of rattling of pots and pans could be heard.

"What are you doing, love?" he propped himself up slightly on the chair.

"Just be patient," she yelled looking back.

Sometimes the things she did were so completely random and out of place. He didn't mind though. He wasn't fond of routine. He lit up a smoke and did as he was told. About an hour later, his curiosity began to wear on his patience. He figured by now she was cooking something, but wasn't sure what. He put out his sixth cigarette.

"Ella, are you almost finished?" he whined.

"Keep your pants on, Mr. Valo," she giggled and turned around after a couple of minutes, two plates in her hand.

He looked down at the plate she'd placed in front of him. He was unfamiliar with the dish, but he couldn't deny the aroma was intoxicating and exotic. He looked back up at her hoping she would tell him what it was, but she only frowned.

"You aren't going to eat it?" she pouted.

"Yeah, I'd just like to know what it is before I eat it," he smiled. "So I can fully savor the food and enjoy this wonderful experience."

She laughed loudly.

"I've never heard so much bullshit come out of one person's mouth at one time," she smiled back at him.

He put a hand to his heart and wiped a pretend tear.

"Love, that hurts," he patted his chest. "You cut me very deep."

"Who's to say you wouldn't enjoy it?"

"True…" he laughed. "So what is it?"

"A simple Spanish yellow rice with red kidney beans, chicken broiled in a family recipe, and fried bananas," she explained. "It's the only way I can say 'thank you' to you for letting me listen to those songs."

He took a bite of the chicken as well as the rice and instantly lit up with happiness.

"Sweetheart, this is amazing…" he said in between bites.

"It's the least I can do seeing as I have no artistic talent to share with you in return."

She began eating, savoring her own cooking. She couldn't deny that cooking was her only forte and was glad Ville enjoyed it. It brought butterflies to her stomach and a smile to her face. They both ate in silence except for the occasional moan of delight that escaped Ville's lips now and again, making her blush. She looked up at him only to be met with a smile. He put fork on his plate and sighed contently, patting his stomach.

"You sure do know the way to a man's heart," he smiled.

She grinned finishing up quickly and taking both plates to the sink. He yelled a 'thanks' from the dining table as she began to put away the leftovers. Soon after there was a knock on the door, she sighed heavily and went to answer it. Ville stopped her midway there.

"You rest, love. I'll get that."

She smiled and mouthed her thanks as she made her way to the couch. Cooking sometimes really did take it out of her, but seeing the look on his face was completely worth it. She sat down lazily and started flipping through the channels. He reached the door and peered into the peeping hole. Gas and Burton were standing there grinning goofily.

"Who is it?" Ville asked in hopes of annoying them.

"Come on, Ville," Gas pleaded. "We're bored upstairs…"

"How'd you know I was here?" Ville grinned.

"We could smell your lovesick-ness from a mile away," Burton retorted.

Ville scoffed as he opened the door. Burton and Gas suddenly pushed into the flat knocking him to the ground as other people made their way into the apartment. Ville groaned in pain while Gas and Burton mumbled their apologies as they helped him up. Ville mumbled a string of curses as he brushed himself off. He looked to see who the others were frowning as he was made aware.

She shrieked as the group of maniacs jumped around her flat coming close to destroying several things. She got up from the couch and yelled at the top of her lungs.

"What the [i]fuck[/i] is going on here?!" she hissed.

They all stopped momentarily, but soon continued their antics as if nothing was wrong. Bam crushed Ville in a hug and completely ignored Ella's screams as she ran to control the others. Ville coughed incessantly until he put him down.

"I told you I'd find you sooner or later, fucker," Bam grinned triumphantly.

Ville couldn't help but grin at Bam, but also as Ella ran after the rest of them as if they were out of control toddlers. She was yelling and her face was getting redder with every passing second.

"Bam, please tell them to stop," Ville pleaded. "She's about to go into cardiac arrest."

Bam looked over his shoulder and obeyed, yelling at them to stop. They did so at once. Novak froze, one of her vases held high above his head. She stopped jumping, glared at Bam, and punched Novak in the stomach achieving the desired effect. He moaned in pain letting the vase go and she caught it gently in her hands. She kicked him once more for emphasis and returned the vase to its rightful place. Dunn took it as a hint and returned the sculpture he was holding to where it belonged as well. After putting the vase in its rightful place she walked towards Bam.

"So much for never seeing your face again," she said standing before him.

"I'm Bam Mar-fucking-gera," he said snidely, grin plastered on his face. "And no one can keep me from this beautiful man."

He put a hand around Ville's waist and pulled him to his side roughly. Ville let out a groan, but smiled as he kissed Bam's cheek. Ella fumed. She couldn't believe the size of his ego.

"Go ahead and take him," she huffed. "If that means you getting the hell out of my house. Now, [i]GO[/i]!"

His grin disappeared and he let go of Ville taking a step towards her. They were face to face or rather face to chest. She wasn't intimidated by his height and only looked up to glower at him.

"Who the [i]fuck[/i] do [i]you[/i] think you are?" he hissed sticking a finger in her chest.

"I'm Ella-fucking-Brook," she said, mocking his previous statement. "Now, maybe you didn't get it through your thick skull the first time so I'll run it by you again: Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. HOUSE." she stuck her finger in his chest with the last few words.

Ville took a step forward before Bam could retaliate and pushed them apart. She grinned and stuck her tongue out at Bam. He took a breath to no doubt release a string of profanities, but Ville put his hand over his mouth. Ella smiled up at Ville.

"I think we've gotten off of the wrong foot," Ville said as he sweeped the room. "Right?" he said slightly louder.

Ella took a breath to argue, but Ville put a hand over her mouth as well. Bam's eyes twinkled in delight as she groaned in frustration.

"Now. Let's reintroduce ourselves," he looked around the room once again.

They all nodded in defeat. Ville smiled.

"Bam, this is Ella," he motioned to her. "Ella, this is Bam. How very nice to meet one another, correct?"

Both Ella and Bam rolled their eyes.


	20. Tavastia

Ville removed his hands from their mouths only to have them at each others' throats again. He groaned; playing mediator in this situation wasn't going to be enough. Ella was on the tips of her toes now, screaming at Bam while he yelled back at her. It was extraordinary to witness two people that had just met that despised each other so much. Ville knew Bam was completely in the wrong, but didn't want to risk taking sides and upsetting either of them. There was a loud clang from overhead. Everyone jolted to a halt. Dunn held a pot in one hand and spatula in the other. He smiled as he caught everyone's attention.

"I have four words for you two: SHUT THE FUCK UP," Dunn said sweetly. "We get it, you hate each other. Bam pull your head out of your ass and Ella – is it? –" she nodded. "I apologize on behalf of everyone and myself."

"Knowing I'm never going to get an apology out of this ass," she nudged Bam. "I accept yours."

Ville snickered, glad to not have been the one to get in the middle of things. Bam scoffed and glared at Ville, punching him in the shoulder.

"Bros before hos, 'sweetheart'," Bam said as Ella was out of earshot.

Ville simply shook his head. He could be so damn vulgar sometimes. It amazed him he was married. Missy was a very forgiving and tolerant woman. After Ella returned from placing the pot to its rightful place, they all stood in an awkward silence. She wanted to lash out at Bam and strained to put on a smile. Bam held Ville at his side gripping his waist and smirked at her waiting for her to slip up. It was so obvious how much she liked Ville the instant he set eyes on them at the café. He knew eventually she'd snap and he'd be there to enjoy every minute of it.

"So…" Burton broke the silence. "Nice day, huh?"

"Very," Bam kissed Ville's cheek.

She glared daggers at him. If he thought she didn't know what he was doing he had another thing coming. Ville looked from Bam to her, furrowing his brow in confusion. He broke from Bam's grip only to have him hold his hand swinging it lightly.

"B.B.H., Wille Walo," Bam broke into a psychotic smile.

Ville shook his head.

"What?" she asked acidly.

"Oh, nothing, nothing," he said innocently. "How 'bout some brewskies on me? A token of my sincerest apologies."

Insincerity dripped from his every word. It was so apparent, but no one said anything. She decided to play along with him.

"Oh, my God," she ran up and hugged him almost knocking him over. "That's [i]so[/i] nice of you. Tavastia?"

Ville looked more confused than ever.

"Hell yeah!" he said slapping her back, a bit roughly.

She strained to laugh, but returned the gesture with a bit more force. Bam's smile faltered for an instant, but he quickly regained his composure.

"Come on, fuckers," he said as he pulled Ville along, but not before Ella took Ville's other hand in hers.

As the three headed down the stairs, the rest looked at each other; hoping to get an answer as to what just took place.

"What the hell is going on?" Novak was the first to voice their shared confusion.

"I have no fucking clue, but we should follow them before they rip each other to shreds," Dunn stated as he headed out the door.

Everyone nodded in agreement. Burton shut the door on his way out. Tavastia was unusually dull. They managed to put two tables together and after a couple of rounds the tension vanished, if only momentarily. Ville sighed in relief as he looked on at Ella and Bam talking animatedly. Dunn, Burton, and Gas were arguing amongst themselves who rocked cowboy hats the best. And as Novak only could, he'd managed to woo a random Finnish bar maiden. After a couple of minutes Bam stumbled out of the bar to answer a call. As soon as he was out of sight, Ella wrapped her arm around Ville's waist and smiled up at him, eyes a bit out of focus.

"Hello, darling," he cooed.

Her grin grew ten times wider.

"Have I ever told you," she struggled to finish her sentence.

"Yes?" Ville coaxed.

"Have I—have I—" she burped lightly. "Told you," she poked his chest.

He discreetly took the drink out of her hand as he kissed her forehead. She had reached her limit for the night and he knew where this was headed.

"You smell [i]so[/i] good," she nuzzled against his chest, taking a few deep breaths.

He laughed silently as she did this. She finally pulled away and looked back up at him. A question popped into his head and as much as he knew he shouldn't take advantage of her inebriated state he couldn't help but ask.

"Ella?"

"Hmm?" she asked dreamily.

"Do you fancy me?"

It was impossible to feel like more of a schoolboy as the question escaped his lips. He shook his head at his foolishness. He couldn't phrase the question any other way at the moment. The words were rushed and he waited anxiously for the answer. Her lids lowered and she smiled.

"Ville Valo, Ville, Ville, Ville, Ville Walo Walo," she replied nonsensically.

"Yes, I'm here, love. What were you going to say?" he encouraged.

"Wille," she pinched his cheek and lightly slapped it.

Before she could get out her next words she was out like a light and her head hung lifelessly on his chest. Bam returned to the table and smiled at his old friend, taking notice of the unconscious form.

"What are you smiling at?" Ville asked as he positioned her head on his lap.

"She's pretty, isn't she?" Bam nudged Ville's arm. "Almost pretty enough to lock yourself up in your damn apartment for months."

Ville stayed silent, not wanting to encourage his suspicions even if they were dead on. He ran his fingers through her hair. She stirred in her drunken slumber and a smile crept on her lips. He couldn't help but smile in response. He smiled because he could see the sincerity of this smile. It wasn't a front. It wasn't a defense mechanism to block out the world. This smile; this simple, authentic gesture let him into her heart. Granted him the access he desperately ached for those months without her.

Bam put his head on his shoulder knocking Ville out of his thoughts. Sometimes Bam was insufferably annoying.

"What are you thinking, lover-boy?" Bam slurred taking a swig of Jack.

"Honestly, BamBam?"

Bam looked up at him and nodded his head.

"How impossible and insufferable you can be."

"It's all in good fun, my beautiful friend," Bam took another swig. "All in good—" he trailed off.

Ville sighed as he felt the pressure on his shoulder. Bam's hot, reeking breath hit Ville's face, but it was made tolerable as he looked down at her peaceful expression. He ran his fingers through her hair until they all turned in for the night.


	21. Green Eyed Monstrosity

Tavastia was a bit of a half-curse. She enjoyed getting to spend time with Ville even if she didn't remember any specific details, yet she hated the scene that unraveled before her eyes. With her hands on her hips, she surveyed the living area, slowly shaking her head in disapproval. The boys were sprawled all over. Novak lay spread-eagled on the dining table, Dunn was curled up into a ball on the living room floor, Burton and Gas lay side by side on the couch. She looked around and noticed something was out of place. If his cronies were here where was the King Jackass? As soon as she stepped into the kitchen her question was answered.

Bam laid on the kitchen counter with one leg dangling off the edge lifelessly, mouth emitting ear-splitting snores. He grunted in his sleep and turned over on his side. Keeping to the truce, she simply scoffed and ignored him, fighting her primal instincts that told her to push him off or worse. Scratching her head and with a big yawn, she turned on the coffee maker tapping her fingers on the counter as she waited. The air was soon filled with the strong, delicious scent. Warming her hands with the mug, she slowly made her way back to the only part of the flat not filled with drunken idiots; minus Burton and Gas. She had grown fond of the boys. They were gentlemen and relaxing to be around from the little time she'd been around them.

With a renewed sense of vigor, she set down her cup and began making her bed and laid out the day's clothes before hopping in the shower. The steaming hot shower further relaxed her making her forget about the clowns sprawled out downstairs. They'd leave sooner or later. It wasn't worth getting riled up over.

He yawned and stretched his arms, losing his balance and landing on the cold ceramic floor with a resounding thud. Bam groaned in pain and muttered a few curses. He slowly got up from the floor, rubbing his back when his whereabouts dawned on him. He smiled inwardly, surprised that she hadn't yelled at the sight of them. Pushing her buttons was going to be harder than originally thought. Passing the dining table he pushed Novak off, feeling he deserved the same unpleasant wake up.

"You're such a dick," Novak grumbled.

"I know," Bam said as he did his infamous air wave.

Novak perked up at the sound of the running shower upstairs. Bam smiled mischievously. He put a finger to his lips and motioned Novak to stay put as he bounded up the stairs. Without missing a step he turned the knob and swaggered into the bathroom undoing his fly. She shrieked at the intrusion and peeked her head out of the shower door. He smiled as he looked over his shoulder his aim closely missing the bowl. She glared at him, at a loss for words.

"Good morning, woman."

"Mornin'," she strained to remain in the shower. "Care to tell me why you're relieving yourself while I shower?"

"You prefer me to take a piss in your sink?"

She scoffed and shut the shower door. He finished his business, not bothering to flush or wash his hands. Without a second thought he commandeered the towels as he stepped out and shut the door. He called out to Novak from upstairs, leaning over the railing and twirling the towel. Novak's eyes lit up.

"This is your chance to see nipple," Bam half-laughed as he handed him the towel. "Don't fuck it up."

She stepped out of the shower and instinctively grabbed for the towel that, to her dismay, had mysteriously disappeared. She rolled her eyes and growled in frustration. So the games were still on. She remembered his pathetic attempts to make her lose her cool when a scheme flourished in her head. He wanted to play games so that's exactly what she'd give him.

To Novak's satisfaction the bathroom door flew open, revealing a very naked and very wet figure. She flashed a brilliant smile as she stepped towards him, taking the towel from his limp hand. At her warm touch he was suddenly aware of the restrictions of his pants. He tried to open his mouth, but found himself incapable. She towel-dried her hair and instead of wrapping it around her slender frame she let it fall to the floor. She smiled again as she descended the stairs finding herself in front of four males.

Not letting her sudden awareness of her lack of clothing perturb her and send running back up the stairs, she made her way to the kitchen and nonchalantly opened the refrigerator door. Bam had followed her like a zombie. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled. His expression was indecipherable.

"Want breakfast?"

Silence.

"Hello?" she waved a hand in front of his face.

He slowly snapped out of it.

"Want some breakfast?"

He nodded his head dumbly.

"Grab whatever you want. Mi casa es su casa," she shivered at the coldness of the fridge. "I gotta get dressed. Stay as long as you like."

She left the kitchen, leaving Bam to sort out his thoughts. Burton and Gas covered their eyes as she came into view the second time around while Dunn stared at her unabashedly. She smiled and repeated the same hospitable words to him.

"Thanks for the apology once again," she pressed against him as she hugged him. "I really appreciate it. No harm, no foul."

There was a loud crash from behind her. She turned around, horrified as she registered what was taking place. Ville stood only a few paces away from her, cigarette loosely held in his mouth, the contents of the grocery bags scattered all around him. She let out an involuntary shriek and tried to cover herself up as best she could. Ville's cheeks went red and he hurriedly took off his jacket and wrapped it around her.

He silently ushered her up the stairs and ordered Novak to join Bam downstairs. As soon as he was out of sight Ella crashed down on the bed and yelled into her pillow. Ville rubbed his temple as he shook his head. He still hadn't completely processed what had just taken place. There must be an explanation. He took out his lighter with an unsteady hand and lit his cigarette calmly sitting beside her on the bed. She slowly revealed her now flushed face and smiled nervously.

"Was that as bad as it looked?"

He laughed uneasily, taking a drag.

"I take that as a 'yes'."

He unconsciously patted her thigh in assurance only to remove it immediately once he registered the inappropriateness of the gesture.

"Get dressed," he muttered softly.

He got up from the bed and ran a hand through his hair. She only nodded, not daring to meet his eyes. He went down the stairs, shaking his head and was met with a rare sight: a dumbstruck Bam.

"Don't ask, BamBam," he brushed him off. "Don't ask. Will you guys please go up to my flat? I'll meet you later. Ella and I have business to attend to."

Novak took a sharp breath in, indicating Ella was in trouble when Bam pulled him by the collar out of the flat followed by a silent Dunn. Burton and Gas quietly said their good-byes and shut the door on their way out. The silence was excruciating. He was now left to his own thoughts and could not escape them. What was going through her head that made her do such a thing, he did not want to know. He put out his cigarette in the nearby ashtray. What bothered him the most was how much the incident was affecting him.

They were all his friends. Obviously, nothing was going on between [i]any[/i] of them and Ella, but the thought of them seeing her made him want to tear his hair out. Jealousy wasn't a feeling he wanted to deal with, much less admit, but there it was, beginning to fester inside of him. She was her own person and could do as she pleased, he tried telling himself, but it fell on deaf ears. The self-doubt and anger won out as he felt his heart swell in his chest, on the verge of bursting. He took a deep breath in as he heard her approach from behind stopping short of the couch. He regained his composure as quickly as he could before turning around to face her. Ville forced a smile as he met her gaze.

"Iiivari called," he said brightly. "Seems you have an unfinished degree you need to attend to and I'm here to make sure that it is taken care of."

She began to protest, but he cut her off.

"There's no use arguing. A taxi's waiting outside," he grabbed her wrist and pulled her along. "Let's go. We don't have all day."

She began to protest once again, but instead of giving her his usual sympathetic warm smile he walked on, not bothering to utter one comforting word afraid if he opened his mouth once more he might lose his self-imposed control.


	22. Honesty

After an hour lecture and standing in the blinding sun with a stand off-ish Ville and infuriated Iivari, Ella had had just about enough. Yes, she knew completely quitting university was a bad idea. She also knew her mom and dad would be ashamed of her. She knew that James and Martin would hang their head in shame. She knew all this and even though she had openly acknowledged her mistake Iivari would not stop his rant. Who was he to judge?

"Are you even listening to me?" he hissed.

"Yes," she said monotonously.

"Well, it sure doesn't look like it," he crossed his arms in annoyance.

"Look, Iivari, honestly, I know it was a stupid thing to do. I know I look like an ass in your eyes and whoever else's," she paused to take a big breath. "But I honestly, truly don't giving a flying rat's ass what people think of me."

"In this case you should, Ella," he sighed and put a hand on her shoulder. "This is your future we're talking about. You know this isn't what your father would have wanted."

He had done it. He had lain the guilt card on her. A move below the belt, indeed. She looked over at Ville for support, but only found him talking on his mobile; brushing her off with a wave of his hand. She sighed in frustration as she tried to block the sun out of her eyes. She knew this conversation would ultimately lead with her resignation. She looked into Iivari's grey eyes and knew he wouldn't stop until she started going to university. In staying here she'd be breaking her father's wishes, but she didn't want to reveal this to him. She hadn't even told Ville. If she was going to give in Iivari would have to compromise.

"Alright, but only if I go half-time," she held out her hand. "Only two classes a week."

He smiled brightly and shook her hand enthusiastically, wrapping her in a tight hug shortly afterwards unknowingly crushing her ribcage.

"UH—" she squeaked, finding it hard to breathe. "You may not be aware of the strength your giant Scandinavian frame possesses, but this hug is killing me."

He apologized profusely as he held her at an arm's length. She only smiled and hugged him again attempting to crush him.

"Thanks, Iivari," she mumbled on his shoulder.

"For what, my dear?" he patted the top of her head.

"For giving a shit."

He smiled and hugged her tightly, quickly catching a glimpse of Ville's stony expression. Iivari scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion and mouthed a 'what' to Ville. Ville simply shook his head and continued talking on his mobile. He could sense Ville's apprehension the moment he stepped out of the taxi cab and was determined to find out what was pestering him.

"Hun, why don't you head into the registration office and inform them of you enrollment changes?" he looked down at her.

She pouted.

"By myself?"

He nodded and pushed her in the right direction.

"You have to find your way around campus somehow."

She pouted once more before precariously stepping into the university building, visibly nervous and obviously lost. He chuckled at the sight. Once she was out of sight, he stepped over to Ville, a stern expression on his face. Ville quickly hung up and put the mobile in his pocket looking at Iivari straight in the eye.

"Spill," Iivari prompted.

"Whatever are you referring to, old [i]friend[/i]?" Ville smiled, taking out a smoke and lighting up.

"You know I know there's something wrong, Ville. Don't dance around it and tell me. I saw how you looked at me when she embraced me."

Ville laughed sharply.

"I think normal people would refer to that as a 'hug'," he exhaled a trail of smoke, sighing slightly.

"Oh, I see what's going on," Iivari rubbed his chin and slowly nodded to himself.

Ville flicked the unfinished cigarette on the ground, scoffed, and started to walk away, muttering his good-byes.

"So the melancholy poet has run into some problems once again?!" Iivari called after him but Ville continued walking. "Well, I guess I'll take her for myself."

Ville froze midstep and turned around. Iivari smiled proud at the reaction he had evoked out of him. He knew Ella was going to be a problem ever since the day the two met. Sometimes he couldn't help but taunt his old friend, forever the hopeless and helpless romantic.

"Why would that matter?" Ville said walking back towards him. "She is nothing of mine. I don't own her. You want to date her, go ahead."

Iivari couldn't help but smile. If he had a hard time convincing himself that he didn't care what made Ville think he could convince him?

"Ville, you're fooling no one."

"What are you talking about? I have nothing to hide."

"Your love-sickness is so apparent," Iivari smiled as Ville groaned. "Although, judging by your sour disposition there is trouble in paradise."

"You're wrong, absolutely wrong."

"Then correct me."

Ville plopped down on the nearest bench and rehashed all the events. Told him of Kliment, the way he wanted to jump out of his flesh at the sight of Martin, and his growing infatuation of Ella. With every word, Ville felt a bit lighter. He hadn't realized all that he'd been holding in until the words started pouring out. Writing the lyrics helped a lot, but there were still remnants of that uneasiness and the only way to get rid of that was by voicing his fears. Iivari had always been so understanding and he appreciated the friendship. When things looked their worst, he had always been there. Iivari took a deep breath in as Ville finished his story.

"Ville, I hate to say it, but—"

"You told me so. I know."

"Why don't you just tell her all you've told me?"

"I can't."

"I'm sure she'd appreciate honesty more than a cold shoulder."

"How can I voice my fears when what she needs is a pillar of strength? I can't let her know."

"Being honest takes quite a lot of strength."

"Like always, you're right."

"What happened to spark this feeling of jealousy anyway?"

"I don't want to relive it."

"Fine. Oh, here she comes."

"Look!" she shouted as she waved a piece of paper in front of her. "I did it."

She squeezed herself in between them kissing Iivari lightly on the cheek and glared at Ville.

"No thanks to you. Rude much?"

Ville looked hurt at the accusation. Ella didn't hold anything back. She knew why Ville was acting so distant, but he hadn't given her the chance to apologize. He looked away from her glare and picked at his shirt. Iivari cleared his throat and got up from the bench.

"Well, I'm glad you got the sorted out and hope to see you in class this upcoming Monday." he smiled. "I best be off, matters to attend to."

With that, he left. Ville still hadn't looked up from his shirt and still picked at the nonexistent hairs.

"Care to tell me why Iivari felt the need to leave us alone?" Ella inquired, lifting up Ville's gaze to meet hers.

He sighed.

"Love, how 'bout we discuss this over a nice cup of tea?"

"Discuss what exactly?"

"Please, just acquiesce without any questions this one time," he took her hand in his. "I beg of you."

"Alright."

He smiled in relief.

"Just one thing," she whispered.

He nodded and squeezed her hands.

"I'm sorry," he tried to cut in but she continued. "No, let me finish. I was just playing along with Bam's games and I took it too far. I'm sorry."

She enveloped him in a hug and squeezed him as hard as she possibly could.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

He smiled. Why she felt the need to apologize he would never understand. Bam brought out the worst in everyone at times. She was surely no exception. He chuckled at the realization of the short day's events. In less than five hours he'd gone from anger, jealousy, fear, and then back to how he always felt when he was with her: lovesick. He tried to convince himself it was an infatuation, but Iivari's words seeped into his thoughts. Honesty sure took a lot of strength especially when it came to being honest with himself. She pulled away from him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Honesty guiding him into what he did next.


	23. Stuck

Ella frowned in confusion as he held her face in his hands, but didn't say a word. He smiled weakly and stroked her cheek, sending shivers down her spine. His hands were nothing like she'd ever felt before; cold and lifeless, yet gushing with warmth and tenderness. His eyes held her in rapture; those eyes that made her melt; those eyes she'd been trying very hard to avoid yet dreamed about all those nights. She froze in place like a deer caught in the headlights and did not dare move an inch appreciating every detail of his glowing green orbs. His smile widened, unknowingly accentuating the slight wrinkles at the corner of his eyes making her crack a smile. It was at this moment she knew the meaning of age being nothing but a number.

The man that sat opposite of her was absolutely ageless, just as his lyrics would forever be; his compassion and understanding absolutely immortal as long as his art lived on in the hearts of others, but, more importantly, in her own. She continued staring into his eyes and after what seemed like forever she found herself mimicking his gesture and had her hand upon his cheek. The slight stubble sent waves of giddiness through her body. It always amazed her how different the texture and composition of a man's skin was. She hadn't felt it for a long time. They continued to stare at each other for what seemed like hours until she broke the silence; desperately wanting him to voice his thoughts.

"Ville, what are you doing?" she whispered almost inaudibly, never taking her eyes off his.

"Being honest," he smiled as she once again scrunched up her eyebrows in confusion. "Allow me to demonstrate, sweetheart."

She nodded wistfully, hoping he was thinking the same as she. He smiled crookedly as he moved stray hairs away from her face with surprising ease when his lips met hers. A tingle slowly moved through her lips. He made no sudden moves and stopped breathing for a second finding herself doing the same. He smiled against her lips and in the gentlest motion planted another kiss that transformed the tingling into a frenzy. His lips parted slowly, gently licking her bottom lip for access, access that she quickly granted. As their tongues collided she laced her fingers through his hair, letting a slight moan escape her lips causing him to kiss her more urgently. She smiled pulling slightly on his hair achieving the desired effect. His lips curled into a smile and his teeth gently nipped at her bottom lip. She pulled back abruptly, laughing as she looked at his crest-fallen, puppy-dog-eyed expression.

"What happened to the cup of tea, Mr. Valo?"

He frowned and attempted to pull her back to him, but she covered her mouth. He looked at her with the puppy-dog eyes.

"I'm a lady," she smirked.

"Yes, a very beautiful lady with very delectable lips that need to be fully appreciated."

He tried pulling her to him again, but failed miserably. She sighed in mock disgust, but eventually melted against him. She laid her head against his shoulder as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"I'm guessing that you accepted my apology?" she asked with a smile as she looked up at him.

He kissed her forehead and felt the familiar warmth rush through her.

"Of course, my darling," he smiled. "Bam can sometimes bring out the worst in all of us and you certainly are no exception and, besides, that was a beautiful sight for these tired eyes."

She blushed profusely and covered her face with her hands. He pulled her hands away.

"You really need to stop doing that. You don't take compliments very well, do you?"

"That was a brilliant deduction, Mr. Valo."

He groaned and rolled his eyes at hearing the name. He was so easily riled up. She smiled at her achievement.

"Is it pretty much useless for me to ask that you stop calling me that? Even if it makes me feel a lot older than I already am?"

She nodded vigorously and pecked him on the cheek, before he could react she sprung up from the bench and ran away while looking back, sticking out her tongue. He smiled before taking off after her, taking one stride for every three steps she took, quickly catching up to her and wrapping him in his arms. She squirmed and squealed in delight as he twirled her around.

"Mr. Valo, put—" she squealed as he rubbed his stubble on the crook of her neck. "Put me down this instant!!"

He turned her around and continued his stubble attack on her cheeks. She tried to push him away with her hands, but his grip was too strong.

"Not until you stop calling me that insufferable name. It makes me feel old."

"But I happen to like older men," she screeched as he continued to rub his stubble on her face.

He pulled away and smiled mischievously, a glint of satisfaction in his eyes.

"Oh, is that so, love?"

Passers-by were now beginning to look at them as they walked by; their closeness and Ella's shrieks garnering them much attention. Ella took notice and tried to break away from him; the last thing he needed was a scandal before leaving for L.A. Her stomach suddenly felt full of lead. She had forgotten and cursed herself for remembering. Ville immediately noticed the change and a frown replaced his smile.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked, not letting her go.

"We should go to a place a bit more private, Ville," she whispered while looking around tentatively. "People are starting to stare."

He nodded solemnly, but didn't let her go. He loosened his grip and walked beside her as he left an arm draped around her waist. She stole a glance at him and smiled, but not before he caught her looking at him. He grinned and gave her a kiss on the cheek making her face flush madly. The seemingly long walk seemed mere minutes as he walked by her side. As she jumbled with her keys, he couldn't help but ask.

"What's wrong, darling?"

"My reasoning's starting to rush back to me," she stepped into the flat. "I'll only be a minute."

Ella darted towards the upstairs bathroom, leaving him in a state of confusion. She opened the medicine cabinet and her nervous hands couldn't help but scramble as she brought the different bottles to eye level. She'd take control before her anxiety settled in. Daily medications were something she'd always try to avoid. She hated depending on them just like she hated depending on other people, but she knew what would happen if she didn't take these now. Her thoughts were already going a million miles per second. She sighed after taking a gulp of water from the tap.

He fidgeted on the seat; crossed and uncrossed his legs, set his hands on his lap, ran them through his hair. His breathing becoming a bit uneven when he remembered the look in her eyes. Had she realized something? Did she not feel the same way? Before his brain could register his actions he was reaching inside his jacket pocket. He fumbled with the inhaler for a moment before taking a couple of deep breaths. He sighed in relief when Ella appeared at his side.

"Love, what is wrong? Please tell me."

"Ville, I don't know how to say this," she shook her head. "I'll be honest, I have my doubts. I don't know how this could work."

"Ella, love," he only managed to say.

This was what he was afraid of. The look in her eyes was something he'd seen time and time again.

"Ville, you have to head off to L.A. for 'Screamworks'. I have school. I can't leave. As much as I want to be with you, I don't want you to have to bend over backwards. Recording is stressful enough as it is and I will not add to that stress. Your music is important, to me and millions more out there."

"Oh, love," he crushed her in a hug, bubbling over with happiness.

She managed a strained laugh that turned into a coughing fit.

"Is that all?" he chuckled.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought you were going to completely cut me out of your life, sweetheart."

She shook her head violently.

"No, never," she gave him an assuring hug and kiss. "You're stuck with me."

"Oh, what absolute horror!" he crooned dramatically before returning her kiss with a shower of his own.


	24. Surprise

Ella now remembered why she hated school. Lectures bore her to tears. They were absolutely dreadful. If she were to have agreed to go full time, she'd have killed herself by now. Of course, only to be stopped by the beautiful man she'd run into. She slouched in her chair and smiled easily as the profession went into a diatribe of how wonderful the world of chemistry was. Ella didn't register one word; her mind elsewhere.

The time Ella and Ville spent together for the past few weeks was nothing short of amazing, just being in the same room as him made her smile. He'd make her forget about all the things she'd been through while at her side. Their conversations spanned through absolutely everything anyone could ever think of. It was nice to have a person that actually cared for her in her life once again. It made the gaping hole in her heart just a bit more manageable.

The throng of students rushed out of the class. Ville stood on the opposite side of the street partly hidden by a bush. He scanned the crowd for that familiar beautiful face that brought butterflies to his stomach. She appeared in the doorway with a vacant expression upon her face. He laughed quietly as he dialed her number.

"Hello?" she said dreamily.

"Well, hello, love. Haven't been swept off your feet by someone else now have you?"

"What are you—" she stopped talking and smiled. "Where are you hiding, my love?

He saw her face contort in realization and chuckled. She was clever, very clever and he found that to be amazingly attractive. A beautiful girl with rocks for brains had always been a major turn-off for him. Sometimes words could be the best form of foreplay. He smiled slyly at thinking this.

"What makes you think I am close to you?"

"Because you've been attached to my hip for the past—" she chuckled, counting on her fingers, but sighed in frustration. "For the past however many weeks, no matter how much I try to tell you that you should be preparing for L.A."

"Like I said to Iivari, love, 'You're not Seppo'," he stepped from behind the bush. "Though you are psychic."

She caught his eye and walked quickly towards him almost tripping over her own two feet. He caught her in a hug as soon as she was close enough. The familiar warm and fragile figure was soon his to grasp and cherish for that moment. She smiled against his chest taking in the scent that was now so familiar to her.

"So what are you here for?" she continued to smile as she looked up at him.

"Well, you've been studying so hard and I've been working so hard that I thought we needed a well-deserved break."

"What do you call being with me nearly twenty-four hours a day then?"

"Very exhausting fun?" the sly smile crept to his lips once again.

"You wish," she gushed as she smacked him lightly.

Their game of cat and mouse was exhilarating, but she wasn't sure how much more she could take. Everything about him made her want to jump on him and rip off his clothes as soon as he was in sight. When that gorgeous tattoo below his navel made its appearance every now and then, as he stretched or wore his pants dangerously low, her heart would go into cardiac arrest. With each passing day, she was finding it harder and harder to calm herself and return her breathing back to normal. Maybe stealing a few hits off his inhaler wasn't such a bad idea. On those days, she made him sleep on the couch though he would always stealthily sneak into the bed in the middle of the night, his strong arms snaking around her waist and finding their way under her shirt.

"And for the thousandth time, you've read my mind," he pulled her to him, a bit roughly.

"Ville…" she warned him in a low voice as she bit her lip. "Not here. People will see."

"So? Maybe I want—" he kissed her neck. "—them to see."

She rolled her eyes and let out a moan simultaneously.

"You like it," he kissed her neck again, biting it softly and another sigh escaped her lips. "Why should I stop?"

"Ville, please…" she tried pushing him away. "Not now."

He pulled away, pouting slightly. Every part of her body seemed to scream at her as he did this.

"Sooner or later, love, you will give into my intricate wiles."

[i]Sooner rather than later[i], she thought, [i]especially if he keeps that up[/i]. A cab pulled over right in front of them. She looked up at him questioningly, but he only smiled.

"Ville…"

He opened the door and motioned for her to get in. Relunctantly, she did. He 'accidently' grazed her bottom as he got in after her. She glared daggers at him.

"Where are we going?"

"I'll not reveal anything. It's a secret," he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, no, Ville," she shook her head and pushed him away as he tried to tie it around her head.

"Please, love," he sighed. "It's supposed to be a surprise."

He put the handkerchief down and stroked her cheek as he leaned in. His eyes burned through her and she was instantly lost in their green splendor. He didn't bother waiting for her to part her lips, his tongue hungrily forcing his way into her mouth. She pressed her body against him and ran her hands through his hair, pulling on it slightly. His body instinctively pushed again hers knocking her into the taxi door. She bit his bottom lip, making him moan. Her hand slipped up his shirt and caressed the silky skin. He pressed even more against her, his kiss growing more passionate by the second. Without any thought her nails slightly scratched his stomach. She heard what sounded like a low growl emanate from his throat, but she wasn't quite sure. Her head was beginning to get a bit foggy. He put his hands at her hips and pressed against her, almost on top of her.

"OW!" came her muffled cry as she rubbed her head. "My head can't go through glass, you know!"

She pushed him away and started fixing her hair and shirt. He was laughing quietly as he straightened his hair out.

"You know you enjoyed it," he chuckled and held out the handkerchief again. "I gave you a treat; will you do as I say now?"

"What am I, your bitch??" she laughed.

He scrunched up his nose at the sound of the word.

"Don't say that," he scolded. "Now let me put this on. We're almost there."

She huffed and turned around. He quickly put it over her eyes and held her hand as they arrived to their destination. Ella stumbled out of the cab, but his grip kept her from falling. He paid the cab driver who glared at him and muttered to Ville in Finnish. He sped off burning rubber. Ville didn't quite catch what the old man said, but it wasn't hard to figure out. He pulled Ella and wrapped her in his arms.

"We're here," he whispered huskily.

Ella raised her hand to take off the handkerchief, but he pulled it down.

"Not quite yet," he pushed her forward.

She held out her hands, trying to feel her surroundings. Moments later her fingers came into contact with something.

"Here, love," he reached from behind her and opened up a door.

Her hands felt the doorway as she stepped through when he suddenly put her over his shoulder.

"VILLE!!!" she shrieked. "What are you doing?!"

Her body shook with every step he took. He laughed loudly.

"Don't worry, love," Ville laughed. "I'll keep you safe."

"That's— very— assuring—" she struggled to say as she bounced up and down on Ville's shoulder.

A couple of minutes later a slightly out of breath Ville, set her down.

"You really need to cut back on smoking," she laughed at his state.

"Look who's talking," he sneered. "You're just as bad as me. And, besides, we're here."

She giggled with glee.

"Well, can I take this off now?"

He nudged her forward as he took off the blindfold only to replace it with his hands. She groaned.

"You'll love it, I promise."

"I better," she muttered.

He reached around her, keeping one hand over her eyes and opened another door. Suddenly a gust of wind whipped at her body. He took his hand off of her eyes and wrapped her in both of his arms.

"Open them," he whispered.

Ella stood there, mouth agape.


	25. Tonight

As she looked around, Ella was surprised her jaw didn't drop from its hinges. The scene before her was absolutely stunning. There was not a cloud in the sky. She took a tentative step forward, not wanting to ruin anything. The view from the rooftop was amazing. Beside the railing was a illustriously laid-out table draped in red and black fabrics; a candelabra set in the middle with precious china and silverware set on opposite sides. The iron-wrought dining chairs were breath-taking in their gothic, medieval intricacy as if resembling two not-so-gaudy thrones. From the looks of it they had to whole rooftop to themselves. Her eyes began to water a tiny bit. No one had ever taken the time or cared enough about her to surprise her especially with this kind of gesture. He held her a bit more tightly and whispered into her ear.

"It was to take place in the evening but I just couldn't wait," he kissed her cheek. "Besides I didn't want the night robbing me of seeing every detail of your beautiful face."

She tried to stifle a sniffle and a laugh ultimately making a weird sort-of drowning whimper noise making him chuckle. Ella turned around to face him and smiled like she hadn't in a million years. He kissed her forehead in response and after a minute of standing there he gently led her to her seat before taking his.

Gliding silently a sharply dressed waiter placed their meals in front of them and left as quickly and silently as he came. The food looked absolutely delicious. She didn't bother asking what it was, feeling it'd be a bit rude after all the effort he obviously had put into this. Ville smiled as he looked at her obviously stunned face though she tried her hardest to hide it. He was glad he hadn't waited until the evening. He leaned over the side of his chair and placed a bottle of wine on the table, quickly uncorking it and pouring a bit into her glass before pouring a bit into his.

"Shall we?" he asked as he raised his glass and she did the same, smile still plastered upon her face.

"To love," she wrinkled her nose in confusion, but he continued. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

They clinked their glasses, each taking a sip. She set down her glass on the table and found it hard to look at him in the eye. He didn't pry and decided to ignore it for the time being.

"Well, the food isn't getting warmer, love, and I don't know about you, but I am starving," he smiled warmly and clasped her hand in his briefly before beginning to eat.

She was grateful for the distraction the food provided and took a great interest in the fine details of the china. He couldn't keep ignoring her silence.

"Everything okay, love?"

She nodded vigorously, but didn't utter one single word.

"Shoot me if I'm wrong, but I think something's wrong," he sighed as he put his fork down.

She groaned loudly and face-palmed herself. He laughed quietly at the gesture.

"Everything's fine, I swear," his look of suspicion didn't fade and she sighed loudly. "Ville, this is all absolutely, positively amazing. It's just—"

"Just what?"

"It's just I'm not used to it," she took his hand in hers now.

"Well, love, you better get used to it," he squeezed her hand.

She smiled sheepishly and stabbed at the remainder of her food with her fork. After an hour or two of conversation and three courses later, she leaned back in her chair and patted her stomach.

"Where do you keep it all?" he asked, amazed.

"I've asked myself that all my life," she laughed. "I hate my figure."

"I happen to [i]love[/i] your figure," he slid his chair next to hers as he said this. "Don't you ever talk bad about yourself in my presence or else."

"Or else what?"

"Or," he leaned in for a kiss. "There will be hell to pay."

"I don't believe in hell," she smiled, but pulled a bit away from him

"I don't blame you; every moment spent with you is pure bliss."

She wouldn't have been surprised if her insides were completely melted and she couldn't agree more with his words. Every moment with him was pure bliss. He was her rock, her foundation. Without him she'd be completely lost. He was the one thing holding her torn heart together. He pressed his lips against hers and the familiar warmth spread through her body once again. She pressed into the kiss and ran her hands through his hair as he gently parted her lips with his tongue, hands caressing her face. She didn't try to pull away like she usually did to fluster him making it all the more passionate afterwards, but stayed locked to him.

His scent and sweet kisses never failed to captivate her, but she wanted more, so much more. Her kisses grew more heated and urgent sending shivers down his spine. He found her to be timid and frigid the first couple of days, but as the weeks went by she became a lot more aggressive and assertive, and, to his dismay, a bit of a tease. He let her always take the lead not wanting to risk her feeling uncomfortable or make her feel like that was all he was after.

All the consideration was killing him slowly and he found it hard to control his urges. He laughed silently at the thought of knocking her into the glass window and made a mental note to be more careful next time, no matter how much he hungered for her.

Ella pushed him away and got up from her chair only to sit on his lap which she did a bit roughly. She loved that he let her have control, but tonight she wanted something different. Ville smiled up at her and look pleased with the change of events. His eyes sparkled mischievously. She only smiled back as he rested her hands on his chest as he gripped her hips pulling her even closer to him causing her to grind a bit. She bit her bottom lip before she could think about it.

"Ville," she murmured.

He groaned quietly. She had no idea what she was doing to him.

"Yes, love?"

She gave him a quick peck on the lips and pulled away.

"Are you glad to have met me?"

"Of course, love," he removed his hands from her hips and took her hands into his. "Why would you ask such a silly thing?"

"It's just I've not met many people that have stuck by me. Especially someone who has done the impossible."

"What's that, darling?"

"Shown me to love and be loved in return. You've given me the greatest gift."

"As have you," he kissed her deeply. "You are my light, my darling. Those months without you; without knowing if you were okay or if you were ever going to leave your flat, was absolute torture."

She hugged him tightly and slowly started peppering his neck and jawbone with kisses. He squirmed with pleasure and had trouble figuring out where to place his hands for fear of losing control. She giggled as she noticed his reaction and bit the crook of his neck. At this he bucked his hips upward almost causing her to fall off. They both looked at each other and laughed. Ella put her forehead to his and smiled.

"How about we take this to a place more private?" she whispered as she ran a hand under his shirt.

He shuddered at her words as adrenaline began to course through his veins. He could feel the familiar yet always unsettling feelings take over his body and begin to cloud his thoughts. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. She smiled and got up from his lap; tugging at his tie, forcing him to get up from his chair. He shook his head slightly and managed to clear his thoughts if only for a moment.

"I know the perfect place, my love," Ville took her hand in his and led her away from the table.

She let him lead. Ella appreciated he never pressured her into anything, but she was certain of her decision. She was tired of waiting. There was no doubt in her mind she wanted to be as close as possible to the man she loved in every way. Tonight would be the night. There would be no turning back.


	26. Heavenly Rapture

They only had to walk down one flight of stairs to get to their room. He slid the keycard and let her enter the room first. She couldn't help but grow a little angry as she realized that he had this planned out, but her anger quickly ebbed away as he planted a soft kiss on her cheek. It was amazing what this man did to her. She made a mental note to berate him about his little plans later, quickly locking it away.

He clasped her hands in his, lightly kicking the door closed behind him. A wry smile found its way to her lips.

"I hope that door is locked, Mr. Valo. You don't know what kind of crazies could be running around here."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, love," he kissed her quickly. "I'm afraid you're stuck with a 'crazy' already."

Ella only smiled in response. He stepped towards her making her instantly take a step back. He frowned a little until he saw the smile on her face and instantly lit up.

"Nothing is ever easy with you, is it?" he took a couple of steps forward eliciting the same response.

She shook her head playfully.

"If you want me you're gonna have to catch me."

He looked around the room before shrugging his shoulders.

"Fair enough," he took another step forward.

She giggled and shrieked as he lunged after her, barely moving out of his grasp in time. After a couple of minutes, they both were soon out of breath, though Ella continued jumping on the bed.

"You really do need to stop smoking," she huffed.

He scoffed as he stood in front of the plush king-sized bed.

"As long as we're giving advice, I have a thought for you as well," he took his toque off and threw it to the side.

She looked at him expectantly.

"You, love," he said as his calloused hands she knew so well started loosening his tie and undoing the buttons of his crisp black dress shirt. "Need to stop being such a tease. These past few weeks have—"

"Been more than I could bear," she finished.

Ella stopped jumping on the bed and made her way to him. He smiled as she slapped his hands away and started unbuttoning his shirt with her nimble and delicate fingers all the while staring straight into his shockingly beautiful eyes, never faltering, never looking away. He grabbed the sides of her hips and pulled her closer to him, their bodies almost one, and his lips crashed into hers sending the familiar feeling of fire and electricity and bliss through her every pore. Within seconds both of their hands were a blur as they tried to remove all articles of clothing in between them. She hopped on one foot in an attempt to get rid of her pants while kissing him at the same time.

He gripped the end of her shirt and pulled it over her head throwing it to the side only to immediately unclasp her bra afterwards. She nuzzled against his neck in response lightly biting his neck as she unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants. He groaned with pleasure at her actions as his tremulous hands cupped her breasts. He shook his pants off and she ran her fingers through his hair. Her hands found their way below his waistline, loving that her nimbleness wasn't limited to the shedding of clothing. He bit her bottom lip slightly while almost stumbling to the bed, letting himself fall on top of her, instantly peppering her jaw-line and neck with kisses. Her breathing began to get a bit more ragged and uneven as he rubbed up against her. She let a little moan escape her lips, exciting him all the more.

Ville grinded against the inside of her leg a bit loving every moan and sigh that escaped her luscious lips he craved so often and received stolen kisses from; kisses that lit his very soul on fire. He teased her entrance with the tip of his cock. He wanted nothing more than to feel her, but remembering all the times she intentionally aroused him with no release planned, decided against it. She whined in his ear in a matter of seconds and gripped his hair a bit tightly as she continued kissing him.

"Ville, please," she panted as she pulled away from him. "Please –"

"'Please' what, love?" he whispered huskily into her ear.

She moaned loudly in response sending him over the edge and he pushed himself into her, soon finding a steady rhythm. Ella moaned with every thrust as he filled her to the brim. She let herself get lost in the waves of pleasure radiating throughout her body not bothering to quiet herself in any way making his thrusts more erratic and rough with each passing minute sending her senses into overdrive.

Ella grinded her hips matching his every stroke in perfect sync leaving him as out of breath and in bliss as she, the ceaseless panting in her ear finally driving her over the edge. She clawed at his back as her body shook violently with pleasure. He whispered something rushedly in Finnish, but before he could finish she flipped positions so now she was on top of him. She slowed down the pace, gently riding him until she felt him twitch below her when she got off and descended on him leaving a trial of wet kisses on his stomach and pelvic bone.

He bucked his hips upward as her warm mouth enveloped him, her tongue expertly stroking the underside of his cock with the perfect amount of suction as her hand stroked the base. She moved slowly at first delighting that she was the cause of such ecstasy moving faster and faster until she tasted the salty-sweetness. She reveled in the taste causing her to bob her head up and down more vigorously until he found his sweet release.

Ella made her way back up to him and smiled as she saw the look of exhaustion and ecstasy that matched her own feelings completely. He kissed her lightly on the lips and wrapped her tightly in his arms. He needed a moment to catch his breath. Maybe she was right about smoking.

"Told you…" she giggled.

"Shut up…" he kissed her forehead.

"Yeah, ok, _Mr._ Valo."

"Alright," he straddled her roughly, grabbing her wrists in his hands and putting them above her head. "What did I tell you about that?"

Her eyes twinkled mischievously.

"But I like older men."

"Then let me remind you of your fondness for this old man."

She smirked and he took that as an open invitation, much to her delight.


	27. Festering Hole

Ella yawned and turned in her sleep, cuddling even closer to Ville. He smiled and wrapped her in his arms even more tightly. He had been up for a while now, but hadn't bothered to move, not wanting to wake her. Eventually her eyes fluttered open, smiling as she took in every detail of his. For a moment all her grief seemed to simply disappear. For once in her life she had no regrets. This felt right in every way. In that moment, she knew that was exactly where she was supposed to be and wouldn't want it any other way. Ella couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same. She shook herself out of her thoughts before any doubt could plant itself.

"Hey," she whispered in a hoarse voice.

"Good morning," he kissed her forehead and squeezed her even more.

"What time is it?"

"Two 'o clock in the afternoon, love."

Her eyes widened in surprise as she tried to stifle a yawn. It was unbelievably late yet her limbs felt heavy and her mind was still clouded with sleep. Sheer exhaustion hung heavily to her. Never in her life had she felt so tired.

"Tired, are we?"

She shook her head in protest, but it was plainly obvious she was.

"It's okay, love. Sleep… I took the necessary precautions," he winked at her.

Ella furrowed her brow in confusion forcing him to explain himself.

"I told Iivari to call the uni and tell them you'd be away. The boys are looking after the loft and keeping the couch warm."

"What boys?"

Worry spread across her face. He ran a hand through her hair reassuringly.

"Linde, Mige, Burton, and Gas. I promise," he crossed his heart.

"So you had all this planned out, huh? A bit cocky, aren't we?"

He pretended to examine his fingernails and blew on them before buffing them on his bare chest.

"I am a rock star after all, love."

"Right…"

"Yes, I am. A rock star," he kissed her lightly on the lips. "A rock star with a cock—"

"—made out of platinum," she finished for him. "I know. I know. You made that very clear in some of your performances."

"You're referring to last night's, right?"

She frowned and hit him on the chest.

"Don't let it get to your head, Mr. Valo."

He held her wrist in a steel grip and smiled inches from her face.

"Well, the screams—"

She shrieked and tried to cover one of her ears yelling nonsense at the same time, but he managed to talk over her.

"And, heavens, that tongue—"

"Shut up!"

"What? I'm merely complimenting and taking note of your talents," he smiled devilishly.

"Oh, shut up, and order us some breakfast. I need a shower."

She slithered from his grip and walked towards the bathroom.

"I might need one, too, after the lovely view you're giving me," he called from behind.

She turned around and glared daggers at him before flipping him off and slamming the bathroom door shut. He chuckled. She was a million times more adorable when angry and he couldn't help but provoke her. He twisted to face the night table and promptly ordered a fair-sized breakfast, making sure to order two steaming mugs of fresh black coffee. Without it, he wouldn't be able to function and as he had learned neither would she. He could hear the shower running and was tempted to join her, but decided against it, knowing he'd have to wait for room service.

Not five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. He struggled to put his pants on before opening the door and directing the maid to place the breakfast on the table. No sooner had she left that he began stripping of his pants and gingerly stepping toward the bathroom door. But as he gripped the knob with one hand, his cell phone started ringing from somewhere in the sheets. He sighed in frustration. It must be Gas calling, he figured. Though he'd told them to only call if it was an absolute emergency, Gas had a tendency to overreact. Muttering a few curses as he searched through the blankets he finally managed to answer the phone.

She hummed a happy tune as she finished rinsing off the lavender scented suds off her body. She felt absolutely wonderful and, to her surprise, fully awake. Hot showers always worked wonders, though she was a bit disappointed Ville hadn't joined her. A million thoughts raced through her head, but once again she refused to let doubt consume her. This was not the time for that. She wrapped a towel around her body and stepped out of the bathroom; the cool air enveloping her. Her feeling of euphoria was short-lived as she regarded Ville. He sat precariously at the edge of the bed, running a hand through his hair, and tapping one foot on the floor nervously. His emerald eyes filled with worry and dread. The corners of her mouth fell immediately. He looked up at her and smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Ella," he croaked and patted on the spot next to him.

She rushed to his side and held his hand tightly as she sat down.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Ella," he found it hard to voice his next few words. "I have to leave for L.A."

She froze at the sound of those words.

"Wh—wh—" Ella cleared her throat and tried to find her voice. "When?"

She already knew the answer. He looked at her with downcast eyes. No, she couldn't bear to face this. The festering hole in her heart had just begun to close and it was all because of him. He was the only reason she was still sane and functional and, most important of all, not catatonic, and numb. He couldn't leave now, but she knew better. She knew what she was getting into when she'd let her heart take control and this was one of the consequences; having to deal with the constant moving, the absences for long periods of time.

"Tonight."

The word struck her like an arrow through the chest, knocking the wind out of her. He squeezed her damp hands gently, his thumbs unconsciously tracing small circles on the outside of her hands. It was as much a crushing blow for her as it was for him. She smiled weakly.

"You'll call, won't you?"

He took her face into his hands and kissed her deeply.

"Of course I will, love. Of course."

She hugged and gripped him tightly, fighting back useless tears. No need to make things worse. She was sure he'd call. There was no doubt in her mind about that, but the thought of him being so far away when she had gotten so attached at the hip was excruciating.

"I'll be back as soon as everything is finished. I promise," he kissed the top of her forehead.

"I know."

"In the meantime, let's enjoy the time we have left."

She nodded in silent agreement although the festering hole was beginning to gnaw at her insides.


	28. Memories

The absence of noise that usually seeped through the ceiling was unsettling. They had said their good-byes. Ella was uncharacteristically emotional. The void in her heart had returned and she resisted with all that was left of her to completely drop everything as she had done before. She had promised him, but she didn't know how hard the promise would be to keep. Ville had also made her promise to keep her mobile charged and with her at all times. This she dutifully did as if her life depended on it because it truly felt like it did.

Her heart seemed to stop beating regularly in moments like these when their absence, not only Ville's, was apparent. The silence was deafening in a strange way. Its presence made her heart shudder with terror as only a shrill or deafening scream could. Ella growled in frustration and shut her textbook with as much force as she could muster. There was no way she could concentrate on organic chemistry, not until he called which should have been an hour ago. She drummed her fingers on the glass-top of the dining table. What was keeping him? Was he okay? Did he forget? With every worry her heart constricted a bit more. Her patience completely disappeared. With a growl of frustration she threw the textbook across the room completely knocking the free-standing shelves of DVDs from the wall. Ella took a couple of deep breaths before she felt herself growing a bit calmer.

If she stayed in the flat, she'd go completely mad. Grabbing a random jacket out from the closet she grabbed her keys and walked swiftly out the door. She let her feet lead not giving it a second thought. The night air felt cool on flushed face. A breath of fresh air always helped her clear her mind though never as much as the alternative which she had promised him she wouldn't do. What made her make so many promises she didn't feel confident she could keep, she didn't know. Her hands searched through the pockets of the jacket until they found what her mind had been craving. Quickly lighting up, she exhaled hurriedly. Instantly, her thoughts mellowed and she calmly walked through the streets of downtown Helsinki; forgetting all about the mobile that was ringing nonstop back at the loft.

**~.~**

He was beginning to get worried after being directed to voicemail for the seventh time. It was noon L.A. time, an hour later than he had arranged to call, but she should have still been awake. She had promised him she wouldn't do anything brash, but everyone was human. Worries poured through his head. Where was she? And, more importantly, why didn't she have her mobile with her?

Ville sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair, hoping she hadn't or wouldn't do anything she'd regret later. Putting all thoughts aside momentarily, he walked out of his hotel room and hopped in a taxi with Linde to the studio. Seppo couldn't stress enough how important punctuality was. If only he had taken it to heart, he wouldn't feel like his insides were coming out of his mouth.

**~.~**

Ella found herself in front of where Ville and she had met for coffee though the only illumination was the street lamps. The shop was closed as was everything downtown. She checked her watch; it was definitely later than she had expected to be. Walking usually made her lose track of time and, thankfully, it had cleared her head. Series of gusts whipped at her hair and thinly covered chest, closing her eyes shut she wrapped herself as tightly as she could and began the long walk home.

The wind died down as she was a few blocks from her flat allowing her to slow down a little. The click of her heels echoed across the empty, narrow cobblestone street. To her dismay, the sound of a pair of footsteps soon joined hers. Her heart began beating wildly in her chest no matter how slowly she breathed. Ell dared not look back. That was the kind of stuff one saw in horror movies, not that her life wasn't enough of a horror movie to begin with. She quickened her pace counting down the blocks she had to go before reaching her flat.

_'Eight… Seven… God, I hope it's just my paranoia… Six…,'_ her heartbeat did not ease up. _'Please, please, please let me be wrong…'_

The footsteps did not disappear, but quite the opposite, the pace quickened to match hers. As much as she screamed at herself not to look back, she found herself stealing a quick glance. Whoever it was, they kept to the shadows not revealing much as to their identity. The figure was definitely male and had a very muscular build poorly hidden by a trench coat. She whipped her head back around and walked as fast as she could, losing all pretense of trying to act calm. Not wanting to be seen had only one purpose and it never was a good one.

_'Four… three…'_

Images flashed through her head. The sidewalk began to disappear beneath her feet. Her limbs and all feeling were slowly, but surely becoming nonexistent. The labor of breathing would soon become too much too bear. The sides of her vision were quickly becoming blurry. This process was familiar. Shutting down was a defense mechanism she had learned long ago_._

_"C'mere ya fucking bitch!!!"_

_He stumbled through the living room destroying anything in his path. She closed her eyes shut, though the hot tears kept streaming down her face. With every curse he bellowed she shoved herself deeper into the corner. Maybe tonight he'd be too drunk to remember to look for her there. The hangers shook as he battered the walls outside. Some of the clothes fell on her, camouflaging her even further. Maybe he'd be too drunk to look in the closet. No sooner had the wish crossed her mind that the stench of alcohol burned her nostrils. She screamed in vain for help as he drug her out by the hair._

_"You thought you could hide from me?! This is my house! Ungrateful little cunt," he yelped in pain as she kicked him in the shin, making his kneecap pop._

_He dropped to the ground almost instantly, letting go of her hair. She made a run for it, but not before he had a death grip around her ankle. Her chin hit the linoleum floor with a thud and soon she felt the warm gush of blood in her mouth. The metallic taste made her cringe. It was a taste she had known too many times before. He breathed laboriously as he struggled to turn her around and get on top of her. She knew it was useless to beg and cried as silently as she could. There was nothing she could do. He was too strong._

_"Now be a good girl for Daddy, Ella," he slurred in her ear, pushing her head down to the cold floor, not caring that half her face was stained with blood._

_He chuckled as she lay perfectly still. Her hot tears mixed with the blood. Paul struggled to tear the shorts off of her. Soon he was unbuckling his own belt._

_"I promise this won't hurt," he sloppily kissed the side of her face. "Not one bit."_

The honking of a horn snapped her out of her thoughts. She took a sharp breath in as she leaned against the side of the building thankful for the distraction. The car pulled to the side of the street. Finally regaining her senses she quickly looked around for the trigger of her past. The man was gone, simply vanished. She breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed the tears streaming down her face. The man was gone, but she wasn't sure if the driver of the car was someone she could thank.

She could make a run for it as it slowly dawned on her she was now only a block away, but would she be quick enough?


End file.
